Beberapa waktu yang aneh namun menyenangkan hahahaha

Hey everyone. lagi males nulis pake bahasa alien alias bahasa inggris hari ini. so yeah I will say it in Indonesia campur sari lah ya. haahahaha... lols ga kerasa juga udah sebulan lebih gue ga update yang namanya blog ini. serasa surem sih tanpa ada tambahan di blog ini. serasa ga ada sesuatu yang bisa digosipin lagi gitu (however I still hear about my gossip everywhere around my major T-HEE). Ya ya ya. untuk beberapa minggu ini gue absen blogging because... OH were starting and it took the hell of my time to spare. hahahaha... yah secara OH 4 hari membuat 1 minggu gue terlalu capek buat muntahin semua uneg2 guwe di blog ini. but yeah let's cut that bullshit around here or else. there will be so many gossip in these past few weeks made by (of course anonymous one who thought they made fun of me but in reality they made fun of themselves)....

So. banyak sekali kejadian yang udah terjadi dalam hidup gue ini. mulai dari minggu pertama OH yang bener-bener nyenengin di produk (oh how I really loved to cook) yang membuat gue makin cinta ama yang namanya motong bawang sampe ng puree shrimp bisque. hahahaha... lols yeah that's the first week with cooking.

Second week. ga bisa berharap lebih emang untuk seorang pendatang baru yang agak-agak aneh kek gue... lols jadi bahan pembicaraan orang-orang aja. seminggu pas service bener-bener lucu dan well yeah adaptasi buat gue blogger. banyak kejadian yang buat gue dipandang agak rendah ama temen-temen sekelompok. but yeah it is okay since i made a mistake that time. hahahahah saking senengnya gua ngomong gua kagak ngerti kalo apa yang gua omongin bener-bener ga penting sampe membuat beberapa orang annoyed. ya sudah sih. gua bisa bilang apa.... ya terima naseb aja emang dasar gue perlu dipahami dan terima bukan cuman memahami dan menerima... hahahaha... Gue ga bakal banyak omong sih untuk minggu kedua since ya itu sudah selesei gitu loh

minggu ketiga juga keadaan ga makin tambah baik. gue makin males ama kelompok jadinya gua malah ga ada feel buat komunikasi ama mereka. toh yang diomongin juga omongan orang kaya semua. dinner di resto ini habis 2 juta lah. beli hadiah buat pacar mereka 3 juta lah. bla bla bla. emang susah sih kalo ada di dunia orang bourgois kek dunia guwe. lols tapi ya didengerin aja lah itung2 buat referensi kalo gue nanti udah kaya and mau ngajak makan pacar gue... lols. inrtinya. minggu ketiga gue sering ngantuk gara2 di bar kagak ada kerjaan. ya iyeleh. bar sekecil itu yang kerja 13 orang, jelas cepet selesainya. prep udah selesai, parktikum buat minuman udah selesai. sisanya cuman tinggal bincang2 yang topiknya sendiri gue kagak ngerti. nah begimane gue kagak ngantuk @.@... hehehehe... jadilah gue menghimpun tenaga dengan cara tidur. tapi bukannya ga nglakuin tugas loh ya. tugas gue selesai duluan... tapi yah karena label udah langsung melekat dari mana-mana... naseb lagi emang udah biasa gue dilabelin... hihihi... tapi at least berakhir dengan lumayan memuaskan lah minggu ketiga OH gue hahahahah

Minggu keempat agak galau lagi soalnya Housekeeping dan u know what readers... BB gue kecemplung di WC and somehow... rusak terkorosisasi or whatever lah namanya apaan. jadilah minggu HK guwe ga ada alarm... and yeah telat untuk hari pertama. dan cuman bisa pasrah dan menghela dada. terus ada orang yang tanya ke gue setelah itu alamat kos gue. udah gua kasih. tiba2 nyeletuk... "kita bukane ga peduli ama kamu, tapi kita gatahu kamu dimana, sekarang kasih tahu alamatmu supaya kita bisa kasih kamu info kalo kamu telat"well... terharu sih ada yang bilang gitu ke gue... tapi hari pertama kompre ga ada bukti bahwa gue dibangunin or diobrak-obrak sih.... sampe akhirnya gua dateng jam 10 and voila telat lagi deh... but yeah apa mau dikata.... cuman bisa pasrah antara lulus apa ga ini HK gue... lols... but yeah. I know I was late... and the jackpot was... bersih-bersih toilet ampe keringetan yang dipikir dosen2 gue baru kecemplung kali @.@ alamakk... hahahaa.... tapi minggu keempat ini yang paling menarik. karena gue jadi tahu bahwa selanjutnya gue sebagai orang, harus MANDIRI dan cuman boleh percaya ama kata-kata gue sendiri and ortu, keluarga and temen2 baik gue... selain itu. .... Didengerin ajalah. kalo ada buktinya ya syukur kalo ga ya... pasrah aja hahahahahahahaha....

Minggu kelima di FO... di mana semua tekanan berat dibebankan ke aku sebagai pembuat proposal dan dekorator dari hotel... hahahaha... diteken ampe kek emping mlinjo saat itu... rasanye sesek banget.. udah proposal kerja sendiri, ngarang sendiri. dibantu juga tetep harus revisi, ditanya-tanyai cuman bisa mlongo dan kuping panas... but From that moment gue belajar untuk jadi orang yang tidak terlalu gampang mengeluh (walopun masih belajar. yah namanya masih belajar=>alasannnn.) hahahahaah... tapi yah alhasil bisalah FO gue. walo ga perfek at least nilai gue bagus... hahahaha... banyak hal yang pengen gue keluhin di sini. cuman yah udah berakhir sih masa mengeluh. so ya gue cuman cerita aja  pengalaman gue yang agak lucu dan intriguing... wkwwk....

Minggu keenam Pastry minggu terakhir yang menurutku paling keren... impian gue terkabul akhirnya bisa buat kue yang selama ini gue tunggu2. walopun gue ga pernah dapet menu dessert... at least gue bisa bantu2 temen2 tim yang buat dessert. benere sih pengen banget buat dessert... hahahaaha mau nyoba resepnya yumeiru patissieru sih soalnya... cuman ga ada kesempatan ya udah... maybe next time lah ya. wkkakakakaka... lols di sini aku di judge oleh dosen karena ke-ngantukanku sebelum2nya. tapi yah karena emang udah terjadi, gue cuman bisa menerima dengan kata2 "iya pak saya salah, soalnya saya insomnia" hahaha that cliche again. tapi ya mau apa boleh dibuat... wkwkwkw... lols.. oke so pastry rasanye kek surga karena bisa buat roti and cake seperti yang gua idam-idamkan. tapi... you know lah masalah itu buat kita hidup lebih tertantang. masalahnya adalah... wkwkwkk... still cannot blend dengan baik ama anak2. tapi udah lebih akrab lah ya. walaupun beda feelnya ama bff gue dulu di sma hahahaha... lols...

After all things from OH. comes DKBM, HK and FO test
nah di sini part yang seru.... banyak sekali orang yang secara langsung manggil2 nama gue dengan aksen kebanci2an. err hello ... i am gay not ladyboy. masak juga ga bisa bedain. and juga... gue ngomong ama tiap cowok di perhotelan langsung semua pada senyum2 ga jelas... mungkin itu paranoia gue aja sih cuman yah kalo bener-bener mereka ngetawain gue... gue cuman bisa bilang. Kayak cowok di perhotelan tipe gue aja... @.@ bukan ng jinx ato apa... cuman yah gue pengennya berteman bro. and gue juga bukan gay yang se desperate itu kok ampe tiap cowok di perhotelan yang gua ajak bicara gua embat. lagian juga JAUH dari kriteria gue jelas pasti ga ada feel lebih dari sekedar temenan. tapi gitu ae lo yohhh... kok cek susahe. ampe dirasa-rasani dipacok-pacokno mbe I dun even know who @>@ lucunya di depan mataku pas lagi. hahahaha... mau di bales omel ntik dikira mbleyer. ga dibales menjadi-jadi. agak susah sih... lols...gue emang masih single sodara2 cuman gue juga ga akan suka ama yang namanya SEKIA... lols udah cukup gue ketemu PRETENDER yang makin buat gua ilfeel tiap hari dengan statusnya yang ga jelas... menurut gue. sesama gay should help each other. not making an enemy to each other. hahahahaha...
Setiap hari menjalani hari dengan pura-pura punya pacar cewek. abisin uang buat nraktir lah beliin kado. tapi toh ujung2nya dia juga suka cowok... :-) hahahahaha  I dun want to say it yet coz i dun think I need to say it. cuman ya yang sekarang aku liat... akhirnya toh kenyataan yang bakal bicara tentang kejujuran darimu BRO... lols... no hard feelings ya... dulu aku inget betul supaya aku ga caper or slengekan. dari situ aku belajar lo BRO. aku jadi lebih serius dan jadi takut mau ngajak guyonan kamu or ngomong mbe kamu, takut mbo marahi lagi di depan arek2 kek dulu. tapi kok ya sekarang kamu seng jadi gini... lols... cuman yah... saran sih... be true to yourself... kasian juga cewek yang lu pacarin. sedikit2 pertengkaran heboh... lols woakakaa.. tapi... up to you anyway.. aku cuman bisa bilang. let everything be cleas as the time let it be.......

Udah ah. gitu aja update gue yang PUANJANG hahahah.... silahkan yya para gossipper... dibaca, dibahas, dan dipahami buat kapan2 gosipin saya lagi... wakakakakak... lols.... tapi inget diantara kalian juga ada saling ketidakjujuran loh. dan itu kalau tak ungkap satu persatu. :-) hehehehe... teruskanlah... asal jangan keterlaluan. lumayan itung2 latian di dunia kerja beneran... lols

Not everyone can accept you perfectly right... but you have to perfectly accept yourself then everyone... xixixixixi....

SEMANGAT TEMEN2 ku. untuk UJIAN BESOK... hehehehe... lols I hope kita semua lulus dengan baik dan senyum... lols....

NB : please be honest to me... daripada cuman ngrasani :-)

REGARDS

Go Darmadi Unjaya

What is sincerity and what it means being alone?

After a long hibernation of me... hahahaha... I do not even know if they are stop reading my blog or not... :-) nowadays anyway... :-) i feel so much relaxed. My OH already started and yeah I have to focus becoming hotelier with my team... So.... Single doesn't mean I am alone for now... just being alone when you need a mood booster but you cannot find a man to comfort you. only that thing... Overall I can survive my life to the fullest...

Well yeah... Let us talk about sincerity today... hahaha what is sincere and what is sincerity for me...
well being sincere is doing something without any feedback hoped or wished.... hahaha... maybe that is a funny meaning from me... but yeah. when you do things for people and you only want to do it because you want to do it means you are sincere for me... cause yeah... that is sincere without motives... but in this today's worlds... How many people is sincere from their own heart... many people do things better and better only to get something. higher marks they intend to lick their teacher's ass, higher salary they intend to put smile and the body on sale for her/his boss to be noticed... I am not saying that no people are sincere... but yeah... they are degradating like human organs with necrosis parts... But yeahhhh.... that is a part of my understanding of this kind of world... rich man or poor man are all the same about sincerity... so yeah... it is only for us to choose whether we want to be sincere to others and myself or do the opposites... but... from my point of view... I will do everything sincere even though I may not like it that much... at least If I do it, I will be better in the future to know about sincerity... I can say but i am not 100% percent sure about it too. so yeah again and again let us learn and study together about it... hhehehe....

Yeah... for all readers, petra colleagues or others... Hope you will do everything sincere yeah... there are some person that I admire for their sincerity and for their unsincerity hahahaha... but yeah... doesn't take away your happiness kok only to be sincere ....




Hello guys, all the readers. I know you don't miss me HAHAHAHA... but yeah I miss to tell the world how happy I am now or how sad I am now. but finally in this free day I got the chance to upload a lil bit of my mind for all of you to know. I might be good at presentation but somehow I am not that good to talk with person that emotionally attached to me, whether it is a painful, happiness, or hatred emotion. But yeah I learn to be a better man lah not a better bitch... One thing that I cannot stand is someone who scold me without reason in the past because of my childish behaviour and "looking for attention"things and then he did the same thing I did in the future... hahaha... but yeah I am writing this not to offend someone (even though if he read it still he won't understand it :-) peace bro... it is a joke cause you say i am too stiff now I am being a joker) Yeah I think that is alll from my heart to puke hahahahaha... puke huh... lols wakakakaka... yeah after that hellish day. I got my payment from my family... love you all for today... great day, great experience and great richese factory for their amazingly spicy red wings hahahahahaha....


Well even though tonight I am still single... I am happy cause in my lonely night I still got so many friends that cheered me with their warmness... You never know of the world of man till you got one man to on your side forever and ever loving you like crazy after series of trouble, killing each other, hugging, spitting, laughing, cuddling, hating, and L-O-V-I-N-G.... so yeah peace of my friends who interested in my story for gossiping or just for an inspiration... I wish you all the best of luck :-)

SINCERE LOVE
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

Pointing at the sky up high
never see the moon only the stars
so many but none that is my feeling
I lost so many but gains more
expectation are just a blur love story
Looking forward of reality is just a perfect things to do...
but remember nothing is perfect but nothing...
:-)  Loneliness will comes
:-) Loneliness will go
:-) Tears flowing
:-) Tears flowering
:-) Smile is gone
:-) Smile to come
:-) Smile is coming

Never say blue out of black
cause you have red out of everything.
that is for LOVE sincere ONE

Hi Guys my Fellow Friends :-)

Some of you maybe already know about my darkest secret by the help of another fellow students :-)
I must say very thank you for those people who even wanted to read this humble blogspot of mine
I am very sorry about the previous contains that might has something peculiar about my love story that enable the vulgarity things... I just want to make some little announcement

It maybe disturb you the readers
It might makes you disgust.

I know because nobody is a perfect one that can always be loved by every people

I welcome people who always accept me and standing besides me for remembering me the sweetness of friendship that last forever

I also welcome people who want to know me more and not being judgmental of me and about my decision in life

All of you can have lots of perspectives in your mind... but as wise as wiseman you should clarify things with the exact correct people or it will be misunderstanding... I do not like misunderstanding because of unreasonable logic that can cross over my dignity

So for all people that already read my blog and have tons of curiosies, with a warm welcome you should clarify them to me... I will be glad to clarify things for you... just not make assumption about me and my friends or even my families... Because if you do that and I know it... :-) We should get more professionals not a Gossip Girls :-) AM I right :-)


I can take whatever you want to say for me... but no offense needed coz I can do it too :-)

Hi Guys... I have an announcement

Maybe all of you will know me now... and Because of this blog i presume that all of you even knew me better... but yeah... every posting that I've post might be a lil offending all of you by my vulgarity and with names. I am very sorry of that and today I've been deleting the lame post and the vulgar one I needed to erase.... hope everyone of you will accept my apologies and I hope we can be friend and partner in our beloved industry of hospitality... And for all of you who do not know me yet...
I am Go Darmadi Unjaya... currently studying hospitality in one of the prestigious University in Surabaya...

A lil hint for you who read and my  friend or colleague

I am not high nor low
I am respective and respectful
I am funny yet serious
I am troubled yet i am happy
I am the beginning and the end for what I have chosen
I love to have friends...
I hope you all wanna be friend with me because of who I am
not because what I've done... I want to say it out oud but i know world keeps us apart...
Wondering the first semester of our friendship can be built once more and together we achieve a degree of Bachelor of Economy...
Well for today I can make up until this way....

One Quotes of Love that I still believe (SOMEHOW???!!!)
This is one chinese song that moved me

I called it HAPPINESS of LOVE
xi huan ni de kai lang
xiao qi lai de buo yang
xi huan ni lai zai wo xiong tang
shou qian shou bu yang fang
xing fu ai qing shou chang
yi tian yi tian yi tian zhen chang
you ni bei wo zou pang
ai xing zhou shi li liang
liang ge ren xing fu de guang mang
jiu shi ai de li liang
song ni wo de jian pang
yue hao wei lai yao yi ji fang

What is life anyway? when you seems never good at it
What is love anyway? when you seems never get any of it
What is lonely anyway? when you seems get along with it
What is pain anyway? when you always being with the feeling of it

When the time has consumed this body harshly First petal come off
When the pain has consumed this mind fastly Second petal come off

I wanna be myself again

Before having a mid term of pastry and bakery... I watched Japanese Dorama called GTO or Great Teacher Onizuka... That was the drama I've longed for when I was a child... and now I can watch it from the beginning to end... worth for my sleeping time even though price of test will be paid... but I am aware... I wanna be myself again after I watched all of the series... WHY? because it was Onizuka's teaching. Even he resort to violence to set things up straight... I love his way to bring all of the delinquents as one with full of heart and friendship. That is so sweet for me in this life. Even though the film is really old it was worthy of a life change experience.

These few days, I've been poisoned by myself. Searching for love that seems so blur in every sex that I've done. and in the end I was left out with mouth shut-ed... My ATM card was stolen yet I could only say that it was my carelessness in the ATM machine... huff silly me. but it was okay now. I know the culprit since the beginning but when I resort to fun I think that will be my punishment of doing it carelessly. The police man named F....... stole it I am sure of 100% because... it is really strange about his behaviour and things. First is his movement who gives the impression of anxiety, lie, and secret contemplation. SO, yeah... Maybe this is my voice to the world to be aware that even POLICE can do bad things... so yeah... I am now will never trust the GovCer again... lols... for me, once they betray my trust... there will be no trust... hahaha... kali rungkut and kalimas... there were the places when my money was used for 6 million... So I am crying and Have nothing to do... SO I MOVE ON... :-)

But yeah.... after all of these things happened, I kinda wonder where is Go Darmadi Unjaya... who always be rational, handle things with feelings not lust, and lovable... Tee hee... I decide... I have to be better in a day after a day.. somehow the world spoke to me with the song of P!NK (TRY) and GTO films and movie... Even if I was a mess I wanna step on to my life and walk forward being myself and fight for my life and others...

I am grateful that my parents still forgive me and give me chance I dunno how many.

But yeah.. in this kind of world when you can't talk freely when you have no power... :-) I will SHOUT OUT LOUD not because I HAVE POWER but because I HAVE COURAGE... even life is the payment... Thank you GTO ... even though i am not your student....I get the message and will be a better man... I will handle my life wiser than before and hopefully someday... there willl be a time that my future husband come to be my boyfriend :-)

KUNIO in that GTO films is freakingly handsome and get addicted to him... kyaa... lols why I always fall into man with no hair... I guess that is my criteria... ORANG RAMBUT CEPAK... wakakak...

MAN 

by : Go Darmadi Unjaya  

Being a man is not about your word

It is about what your doing and commitment

Being a man is not about your muscle

It is about what the heart can give to others

Being a man is not about the PRIDE only

It is about the PRIDE of a gentleman

Being a man is not about physically handsome and muscular

It is about the tenderness of feelings that can handle himself and other

Being a man is about how you can be yourself not only for yourself but to others

It is not about when you are superior you can look down into others who are weaklings

Being a man is about how you give everything to your lovely wife or husband...

It is not about doing your job as one but fully interact with them

Being a man in love is... Transcending anything to be with the love of your life... 

It is all about how determined you are being in this world and HAVE YOUR FREEDOM

AS A MAN...

I AM FREE NOW and will give my best for everything in my life

and LOVE MY LIFE so I can be loved again and love the one who will be my husband :-)

P.S. : I am single by my choice now

Great Teacher Onizuka... TRUE SELF = POISON song

First before I type anything I want to give you one song that change my life...

POISON
By : Takashi Sorimachi
Itsu made mo shinjiteitai
Saigo made omoitsuzuketai
Jibun wa ikiru imi ga aru hazu to

Sameta me de waraikaketeru
Tamashii wo okasareta yatsu
Namida wo nagasu itami wa aru no kai?

Iitai koto mo ienai konna
Yo no naka ja poison
Ore wa ore wo damasu koto naku
Ikiteyuku oh oh

Massugu mukiau ima ni
Hokori wo motsu tame ni
Tatakau koto mo hitsuyoona no sa

Kaidan ni suwarikonde
Owaranai yume no hanashi wo
Yo ga akeru made kataritsuzuketeta

Sarigenaku kisetsu wa kawari
Muishiki ni shisen wo otoshi
Nagasareru koto ni nareteyuku no ka

Chiisana yume mo mirenai
Konna yo no naka ja poison
Jibunrashisa zutto itsu demo
Suki de itai oh oh

Jiyuu ni ikiteku hibi wo
Taisetsu ni shitai kara
Ikitai michi wo ima arukidasu

Kitanai uso ya kotoba de
Ayatsuraretakunai poison
Sunaona kimochi kara me wo
Sora shitakunai

Iitai koto mo ienai
Konna yo no naka ja poison
Ore wa ore wo damasu koto naku
Ikiteyuku oh oh

Massugu mukiau ima ni
Hokori wo motsu tame ni
Tatakau koto hitsuyoo na no sa

POISON
By Takashi Sorimachi

I want to believe forever
I want to keep thinking until the end
There should be some meaning to my life

Smiling with cold eyes
Do guys who have had their souls violated
Feel the pain of shedding tears?

In this kind of world where you can't say what you want
Poison
I'll keep on living without deceiving myself
Oh oh

Now facing it head on
In order to keep our pride
We have to fight

Sitting on the stairs
We talked of unending dreams
Until dawn

The seasons change unconcerned
I unconsciously drop my gaze
Am I getting used to being swept away?

In this kind of world where you can't have even small dreams
Poison
I want to always and at any time like who I am
Oh oh

Because I want to treasure
These days that I live with freedom
Now I'll walk the path that I want to

I don't want to be manipulated by filthy lies and words
I don't want to turn my eyes away from my true feelings

In this kind of world where you can't say what you want
Poison
I'll keep on living without deceiving myself
Oh oh

Now facing it head on
In order to keep our pride
We have to fight
 
{ From: http://www.elyrics.net }

CARVING memories

Watching movies about switched at birth... kinda give me the ooze about real something...
These past few days... getting more pressured and pressured... Not the thing I am gonna smile for anyway... haha... I've been caught up with works, college, sex, and movies... and no one of them give me real joy than a real pain... hahaha maybe I was too arrogant to overcome my problem in life.
I know now that I missed Markus... missed how he act, he speak, etc... but again it will be one of a hell love... he's at jakarta will be at Bali soon... and I am only 19 years old kid who lives in Surabaya... like IDK forever? hahaha someday I wanna go over the world to make lots and tons of good memories... since nowadays I made mistakes and kinda naive to be called a GOOD one... hahaha... still messed up.  but that's true for me now... I don't even resist it anymore. and people say I can be something? for the one who OUT OF LOVE right now... my confidence depleted... hahaha

I wanna share one song today... hope you like it...
From SPICE GIRL from GLEE episode 17 Guilty Pleasure (i think mine is Having Sex rather than Speaking with people hahaha... if someone can guess this someday... I will be his boyfriend lols)

WANNABE => your Boyfriend someday


Ha ha ha ha ha
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

If you want my future, forget my past
If you wanna get with me, better make it fast
Now don't go wasting my precious time
Get your act together we could be just fine

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
(Gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever, friendship never ends
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

Oh, what do you think about that
Now you know how I feel
Say, you can handle my love, are you for real
(Are you for real)
I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
(Gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever, friendship never ends
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give
(You've got to give)
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

So, here's a story from A to Z
You wanna get with me, you gotta listen carefully
We got Em in the place who likes it in your face
You got G like MC who likes it on a...
Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady
And as for me, ha you'll see

Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and wind it all around

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
(Gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever, friendship never ends
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give
(You've got to give)
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

If you wanna be my lover
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
Slam, slam, slam, slam (make it last forever)

Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and zigazig ah
If you wanna be my lover

MESSED UP and RED

Should I just shut my mouth when My lovely BFF get bullied and scold?
Should I lie all my life to all of them for thinking I am such a good boy who can never angry?
Should I run away into loneliness when I am still single and all of my ex'es just got their own Boyfriend and Happily marriage with them...
Should I scream or just muted on my bed without giving up sign that i am stressed out or just zombified.

God I am all alone. No one can be my plus one... No one can really be my ears my mouth my body. to feel the pain inside. I am so tired of anything with cases going on... I know maybe other people get  worse cases than me... but for me this is like a frost bite into my life. I wanna telll everybody too, that you can talk to me even though i am gay and have lots of alay gestures... but I am still a human and I can help anything they want me to help... and somehow I too want to have a real friends who will never talk behind my ears. even though i am so dirty a whore to sex and bla bla bla... I wanna be free from this misery. Maybe if mommy novita wants to die these times... I probably wanted it since the day after the operation you know. I still survive these years... because I am having this hope... to be with somebody who really2 knows me well... and that is just to rare to get huh? sitting here when today I will have test ... means I am so broken up without anybody to hold... Liking someone in my class... didn't help but make me sick of being in like with your Best buddy. Liking someone that you cannot reach too... is sucks....





That's what I want by Go, Darmadi Unjaya
Diamond comes from a worthless stone you ever know in this world
but,
With efforts and lots of tempering the stone with mutual concept
Priceless comes to its name... The DIAMOND
and That's what I want

vOID

It is like having :
No eyes when you need to be visible
No ears when you need to be heard
No mouth when you need to speak
No hands when you need to be calmed down
No hugs when you need few of it

Well I think that is so called Go's Life in work in process
I dunno what to think
I dunno what to do
It felt like you just get thrown into deepest well in your heart
and somehow I don't get my heart hurt at all... but what I feel is only numbness in my heart
Is this what it meant by the time you forget how to love your heart dies?

How many times I try to forget and try to live it up my life... it still nothing to feel
Some people say you don't need one reliable man to calm yourself because you can survive on your own
I CAN but somehow sometimes... I need one too.
My deepest regret maybe when I decide to start things up and then ended it with catastrophy
Made my life only become a slut and being looked down because my appearance only not my brain.
Well actually the mega trend that comes into life right now is.
Your look defines what BF you will have and your brain only a condiment or you can call side dish

 Actually when I type this down... tears start crumbling before my eyes... dunno why but this numbness with a lil pain deep in my heart... Start to take over my head... and terrorizing me with this slightly pain but really really deep inside. It seems like you drown in the ocean of sorrows without nobody cares and can help...

I always ended being the one who hears who sees who bears ,,, so maybe today I dedicated my sadness into my account of live... I bbm my friends... my specials... Girlfriends

Who have lots of troubles before getting their right man
 Chatting with her especially Tina... gives me a bump... I know her stories almost all of them.
She had so many sorrows and miseries thrown into her life. But her priceless act and valor bring her into this day. with the man she loves till now and somehow will be get into a marriage... and now... she lives with happiness without pain that constrain her... I am so proud of her life... even though I am only a BFF from high school. I was very very lucky to meet them with all of my BFFs.

The stories will be ended with another poem of course... and still my  heart cannot feel the warmth of someone inside it... maybe it is like an ICE without the core :-)


SORROWBy Go Darmadi Unjaya
Reaping what you sow is the sentences of heart
Leaving it behind with the doors never open to come forward
Stuck in the middle of nowhere constrain like a chained evil
Wanna screw off but never have a courage to because hope still exist
But heart and hope most likely frozen deep inside to the IGLOO
Still wondering such hands will warm it up someday but... not today...
Faraway heaven is like melody, calm but make it hard to find
Sitting here alone without half of your heart... is VOID
Maybe this is what I deserve to get?
Down to the level of my deepest fear ... BEING ALONE

Visually Amazed

Well, as people know that nowadays many people die without being neutralized with the fact that many people born in this world. I think of many things that happened in my life lately. My Late Chems teacher did not survive lung cancer, many people in my life sick and bla bla bla. In some level of thoughts, I know that health is really important especially after the pain I've got yesterday... My body was so cold, my hands and my feet, as ice. I was very afraid at that moment. Yesterday also I missed one of my TOMH class in hospitality because i overslept due to my "sickness" moment.

I really really have to get my health rest ASAP... Boo... but somehow I can't or maybe I won't... I still cannot find the exact situation i am in now. Hahaha... but that was no problem as long as I am still survive this harsh world. well... still got no boyfriend but have lots of friends... It makes me FINE than not having any. maybe for me that's the price...

Today I got into COP program and by means... yep I got IN... yaay... but with lots of activities need a higher responsibility level in my system. so yeah I have to be more cautious with time management and scheduling. I am the leader of LKMB, wanna be MAC division of security, Aspiration committee, wanna be staff at 843 Regiment, COP program development, and definitely one hell of Hospitality management scholar that has lots of TOMH programs :-') hahaha... but yeah I am sure... I will finish what I've started... better be yeah...

I started my blog again because in this short life. I wanna carve plenty of memories during my stay in this tiny lil world. I've seen many people dying without memories can be remembered. So during my life I want to make more and more beautiful steps onward. and someday when I have been brave enough to let my lil family know about my situation these days I will let them read this blog of mine. and by that time I hope I am not the shameful one in this family. hahaha. so that's it for now.

Here's one lil fragment of my day

SHINING by Go, Damadi Unjaya
Shining is not given but taken
Taken is not taking but receiving
Receiving is not staying but doing

Doing means sweat and Commitment
Commitment is what you have by what you say
Like what you say is a truthful liar or a truthful truth

Embracing all you've got is better than just saying
but,
Giving everything what you can give is better that IT
but,
Doing your best with your Commitment means Optimization

One of Brothers said to me
Do not maximized your potential
Instead you optimized it because you can surpass your limit but not your nature :-)

PS : I love these days... even I got loss in class... I still get my life right :-)

Black Burgundy

People usually as persistent as a shadow that always be with us all the time.
But not for these people that usually take place in other people businessess
Well like the color of Black Burgundy. Strong emanating powers but powers to disturb and destruct
In these past few months I have so many things that I wanted to tell all of you but yeah... Time is limited and for me who just get along with my new life as a regiment now... Need to adjust
So I continue my university era with lots of obstacles, new class, new classmates, new border, and definitely new adjustment in this big world of university

Not long ago, yesterday to be exact... my chems teacher from high school died because of lung cancer. Love her so much but yeah. God wants her more than us wanting her to be alive so... He took her away... and I can accept it more more this day. But, actually what I couldn't believe until now is. In that time, there are also another case about my regiment that bothers me with lots of cases. Makes me cry inside all of the time. Why they cannot let me through with moment of condolences instead of bothering me with the politics issues and definitely about the seniority sorority program... DUH...

But yeah I can cope with it and the truth that I still have nobody to ease my pain... is still true...
I have to be in my greatest mood everyday, even there are lots of problems. people asking me questions, telling things, even slandered with their own way. I still have to smile. and WIDE smile I have given to all of them. For me these days... IT's SUCKS very very sucks...

But again. No one understands... No one can cause maybe being gay in this life... have to pay lots lots and lots of prices. well I understand that but can i never be at ease. at least give me one man... gorgeous one for me (LOLS) who can understand... being understand'ed... no cheater... and definitely a man who can cope with both of sides I will grow up with.... and so be it I will understand him too...
LOLS more more these days... my hope and criteria bout boyfriend... just become
at least you are breathing, can cope with me, cute, and definitely a gentleman :-) lols hahahaha

Here's one of my poems in time

5w 1h by Go Darmadi Unjaya
Cascade has been layered over the window
Crystal has been refined throw the tow
Memories has been carved over the shadow

Is that what people wanna have?
Only politics that screw the wave?
Giving others pain by taking the live?

Wanna ask for the brittle bird that comes alive
who is really for me to show my greatest fear and happiness
what is the real choice in my life to put me in ease
why is the politics always consume hearts of the finest
when it will be done, the pain of misery consuming me
where I will be gone someday if love is gone
How I am gonna survive these life without man beside me

the answer...

Let the Time tell you
Let the Destiny arrives
Let the justice prevail
Let the mind ease you
Let the butterfly take you
Let the man have you...

Thank you

Goodbye means Sayonara

2 years with chemistry
2 years with you
2 years carving memories
As long as that I met you with the strong personality

As a teacher... You are such wonderful and admirable Teacher

As a chemistry teacher... Your education for me taught me about how wonderful chemistry can be even with lots of sorrow and tears I have to learn all of that... But it is worthy

As a woman... You are the strongest woman in my year in petra 2, it comes from your determination and the strength to cope with the world of students that seems really hard but you always happy and survive even cheerful with one or two of your humors.

And now I hope in HEAVEN you will be alright without all the misery you had in the past, without sadness, without the pains.

It is like yesterday when I meet you in the classroom asking questions about chemistry. but here you are now... leaving all of us with deepest grief.

Thank you Miss Dra. Jeanne Indradewi for the memories, for the lessons, and for the smile always...

As the time has gone by, broken wings flew apart
And shadow arises from the ground
With all last strength fly away to the heaven up above
This time... Let us greet Good Bye and have an eternal peaceful sleep
May you be born in Heaven that always cherish the meaning of LOVE, SMILE and HAPPINESS

Good Bye miss Jeanne.
Good Bye my beloved Chemistry teacher
You will be always in our heart
May all being always be happy
BBU
GBU :-)

There is one poem for remembering you

As the rain comes from condensation
Let it be the heart of people be amazed
As a glance of happiness without commemorating sadness
Let it be the wings of an angel take you to Heaven
Carving such wonderful memories
The best fortune I ever have
Marks and lessons can be forgotten
But Memories will remains deep inside one's heart
Never have a grief of misery
but a happiness towards all being because
When someone die someone's freed
Lil thing to be remembered...
Honor what has been left and let it shine through your life
Shine the darkness that remains...
The last Words
THANK YOU & GOOD BYE
Miss Jeanne Indradewi
1.30 13-3-2013 @ Darmo Hospital :-)

Love you ma'am
Body will perish
but you will remain :-)