Stay with me till I see The Light

Hi Everyone...
It has been a week... Life has been better everyday...
With my sister's Prewedding day has been so good...
Love to take the photo of her with her husband to be...
They are so good looking... I am so envy sometimes... but happy too when seeing them together like a lovebird in their own world... So sweet... So Romantic and feel like they have their own world...
Today is her birthday.... I am so glad I still have the chance to celebrate her birthday and also my parents 27th anniversary of marriage. I know I have been so wrong in the past... But now... I know that in this world... My family is the best thing that can happen in my life From yesterday, today and tomorrow... I realize by the past that I made... that Family is the only one that will take you as who you are no matter who you really are... for me... Family is all I have now... Ahhh.. not too forget my Super Besties... in life... hahaha... So yeah the update of my struggling now is over and i am inclining to reach what it is called Happiness Life... Even so many things that I am still lacking... I already happy that I have my family. and beloved sisters that I am really glad to have. I will treasure this moment till Death will take me someday... I live to love the life that my parents pass to me..... I probably not the best son (well I am anyway since I am the only son) or the best children they have... but now I am giving my best to support them to the fullest. My Goal now is to make them even happier that the world will not stomp on us ever again... I will prove that from today I can make promise that I will keep even Life is all I have to sacrifice for them. I love them so much... hehe even though sometimes they might be so annoying. they are the ones that accept me for who I really am... Especially My Beloved second sister...
Well Someday... I will give her a simple but very treasurable present for her... Hope she will like it... at least that is all I can do for her in this life... Hope I still have time to give her the present hehehe... I already prepare it from today... (T-Hee)....
I do still hope for a love that will stay with me till I see the morning light...
I have been stay close with one big brother from YN... Hoping that someday I can meet him... hahaha to see what will be our future hold... Gege... These past 3 weeks we knew each other... I grew fondness to you. hahaha... I hope you will always be happy... with... or without me... Hahahaha....
if it is with me... Stay with me till I see The light wouldja??? You melt my heart lil by lil... but still. distance are quite the problem... so I will get a way to meet you at least once in this lifetime... Hahahaha......

And this is a little Birthday gift for her(My Sister => GVLU) to see if she happens to have time to read :

THIS STRONG LADY IS MY SISTER

by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
Strong Woman... I can see her spirit in her eyes
Dedications of a true fighter is for describing her Spirits
She has been through lots she can still be Strong like Tigress
The path and bridges are what she best at
With her help many survives and many smiles
Her sorrow is no one can imagine but she keep fighting till the last blood she has
DIGNITY is what she told me always preserves
Her life will get better and better...
I know... Good people will have the happily ever after endings...
That is you my sister.... My beloved sister in life....
I love you and will do anything to make you happy with all the rest of time that I have
Keep strong and Happy Birthday my Beloved Sister 
GVLU

One and Only... If you would really be Mine...

Hi Hi... lols
Been updating the blog again... lols
Well so far so good the life of mine and the families are beyond comparison...
But again... I do not know why I am still feel so lonely
And hearing the song of Adele ... Again... I am so touched yet so sad.
Why There still no one who can be mine as a whole. hahaha
To be my one and only
The Song... Is so Great... :-)


I AM WORTHY
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
I am one loneliness of the year and the next...
When given the passage I just stood there and cry
Ask for something that is too far to reach
I know I am not that good or capable of the sweet little love.
But I know I am worthy. So one day I ask.. Why no one can be my one and only?
I want to forget the past and be yours. but again... I am too afraid to step in the same step in the mine.
I know I wanna be strong but again... Who Am I?
I am just a single piece of broken string. No one wants me as whole....
But who I am to ask. since there is no great measures I have done....
But if God Someday give me a lil chance out of luck...

I will grab it and somehow... Let it fly far away... to know... That he is the real one and only...
For me... For my Life...
In this time and for the future till my time is passing out.
I will love him... That is why his happiness will come first...
Nobody Perfect I know. but I will try to be better everyday so tomorrow I can proudly claim what is meant for me.
The One and Only...

Hei Foon Nei... My Best Resolution of today

Lately I have been talking with someone that is so dear for me.
He can sing a very good song that can grab anyone heart...
One of them is this... The best that I can listen right now is Hei Foon Nei
The song is very good and brightening my day... Here is what I have in mind because of this song
I still have hope that can be achieved someday.

I like you ( This is Like What I feel to you Right Now)

Translation:

The fine rain brings the wind to the wet streets of the evening
Brushing off the water from my eyes, I suddenly look up without reason
Gazing towards the lonely night light, there are my hurtful memories

Once again, I brought up the countless yearning in my heart
The past smile/laughter is still hung on my face
I wish you would know at this moment
My sincere words

I love you, your touching eyes
Your laughter that is even more mesmerizing
I wish I can once again caress your adorable face
And talk about our dreams as we hold hands
Just like yesterday, you and me

I, who is full of ambitions, was once too impulsive
I always complained that it was hard to find freedom in a relationship with her
I wish you would know at this moment
My sincere words

I love you, your touching eyes
Your laughter that is even more mesmerizing
I wish I can once again caress your adorable face
And talk about our dreams as we hold hands
Just like yesterday, you and me

Every night I wander off alone; it’s so cold
In the past, I only struggled for myself
I never thought about her pain before

I love you, your touching eyes
Your laughter that is even more mesmerizing
I wish I can once again caress your adorable face
And talk about our dreams as we hold hands
Just like yesterday, you and me

Chinese:

細雨帶風濕透黃昏的街道
抹去雨水雙眼無故地仰望
望向孤單的晚燈 是那傷感的記憶

再次泛起心裡無數的思念
以往片刻歡笑仍掛在臉上
願你此刻可會知 是我衷心的說聲

喜歡你 那雙眼動人 笑聲更迷人
願再可 輕撫你那可愛面容 挽手說夢話
像昨天 你共我

滿帶理想的我曾經多衝動
屢怨與她相愛難有自由
願你此刻可會知 是我衷心的說聲

喜歡你 那雙眼動人 笑聲更迷人
願再可 輕撫你那可愛面容 挽手說夢話
像昨天 你共我

每晚夜裡自我獨行
隨處蕩 多冰冷
以往為了自我掙扎
從不知 她的痛苦

Hope That Someday I can find the one That can Sing this too... 

Like you Wo de gege... Hahahaha

Partnership VS Relationship and The Things Revolves in IT

Today I am waking up thinking that my life is so boring. Yeah... How is not boring... IF
I am fresh graduate, still have no job and my life always revolves in the waking up, go back to my campus to download movies or just to hanging out and then working out then eating and back to sleep again. This past month ( it is the exactly 1 month after my graduation ) my life was just the same routines everyday... I wanna work so hard until I forget my loneliness but still have no clue where i can work since no offering has been made for me. Kinda desperate yes. but again. this is just my life story. and yeah I have to cope with it hahaha... At least on October 6th if i still do not get accepted, I can say goodbye to my freedom and get back home. hahaha. I do not know what to do by now. My life is just getting downward spiral each days... Hmmm, but again... Negative thinking is just for a loser right or so what i thought... I do not want to be one so i get up and be strong and keep believing that the job will come to me...
Also today, I found a nice Display Picture of my friend in my BBM that answers lots of my questions... about Partnership VS RELATIONSHIP... These few years i always dream about having a relationship with one man for the rest of my life. but not once i get a single mutual response. It is just me that having one sided love to them. The last time i have one relationship I failed miserably because of my distance... before that is because I cannot support the one i love with wealth, before that is because I was too naive thinking monogamist, before that is because I was too childish , before that is because I was too demanding and the last before that is because I was just too stupid as the first relationship of mine. So yeah... 6 Relationships failed miserably (even though I am still learning lots of things because of them... They taught me lots of things about how it will end with one sided love of mine).
So yeah I have my own conclusion that RELATIONSHIP is not my thing hahaha. because no one seems really care enough with what I have in life for them. Love... is it??? it is just word they have spoken many times for me but the proofs? they still left me or shoved me away... But today I find one silly paragraphs that is so true... Maybe what I need and want is not a relationship but a PARTNERSHIP... why? Here is the answer...
The paragraph said like this...

I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, They hold you back.
I want a best friend I can sleep with, make love to, hustle with, travel with, shop with, club with & live with.
I want a partner in crime, a life partner.
Someone I can laugh with & build with.
Somebody that I can trust with my heart, my money & my life.
Somebody I am not afraid to lose because I know they'll always be there.
Relationships just aren't for me... but a partnership, I'll take that.

Well... At first I think,,, WOW... that is so true man... maybe I find the answer by now why I fail at relationship because what i need and want even have to take is a partnership not relationship. hahaha just like my sister told me that Mature people doesn't need to promote that they are in a relationship with someone as long as they trust each other to walk into this life together and build some legacy in the way of their maturity. Hahahaha now i know The answer...

So today... I am happy because finding this answer accidentally but taught me about life....

I am 21 years old, Gay with SO-SO Looking, Fresh Grad, still have no job, still have no love and partner in crime... but again. I am happy to know that life is still beautiful as it is as long as I think there will be someone someday that will be my partner in crime. hahahaha... silly but that is so true...

And today I feel like I want to share my words for all of you :


PINK RESOLUTION
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

As the dew of the ocean get a glimpse of the eyes
Leveling the altitude of the earth into the balance of natures
Wind that blows fiercely is finally turning into breeze
Soothing the wound of the lonely wolf

Heat of the soul that limit the force now is free
For man to understand what is this and that
Knowledge to become a better simplicity
Virtue of the doves really need to fly...

When the sadness come you smile
When the anger come you laugh
When the loneliness come you cry
And... When the death come you embrace

"LONGING AS THE LOVE WILL COME TO ONE WHO KEEP"

This is Love or we can call this a journey to meet... YOU

A contribution for a great story by Bao Huynh. I ve been listening to the instrument that touched my heart by Danbi. Then I searched all around youtube and found a great MV lyrical one with a great story by Bao Huynh Production. I just wanna share it with everyone since it is so good that i wanna shed tears in this lonely day of mine hahahaha.... Why is it lonely. maybe because i am still myself without anyone to get me through this.... But eventually i will get through this even though i dont feel like it. hahahaha It is easier now for to get lonely than before. But again I am getting used to it. Hahahahaha no one to complain no one to be jealous of and definitely no one to scold anymore and yeah... no one to talk to. hahahhaha...
In my wish and dream I still want a possessive boyfriend someday. someone that can get really jealous like An Ziyan in the movie "Like love" that has just becoming my favorite movie in my entire life i dont know why hahahahaha.... People said being possessive is a bad thing. but for me... who doesnt really get a chance to meet a possesive Guy in my entire life... wanna feel to be possessed sometimes. not in the ghostly meaning but in the relationship meaning. I know people said being possessive is a childlike action. but definitely... I am tired being all the adult and yeah... being the childish one then humiliated again and again because of my characteristic... SOmetimes i just wanna be the one that can make people jealous not being one of the jealous one... Hahhaha... strange and weird maybe but a wish and a dream never wrong right... hahaha.... Well thats my entry for today... I am so happy that today is the premiere of the like love 2 : Nobody Knows But Me movie.... Even though i cannot watch it today i am still happy that there will be a chance for me to watch the second movie.... hopefully with someone i love in the future... hahahahahahahah my OWN "An Ziyan" This love of mine.... may wither but again. I am not giving up hope to find the real deal of love life
Here is the story for all of you to know by Bao Huynh... It is a great work of art.... :

This Year, You Miss Me

by BAO HUYNH ProductionMusic By : DANBI
Rewrite by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

If you love me only in my dreams, I want to sleep forever.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

You mean more to me than you will ever know.

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.

I'm waiting for the day when we will be together forever.

My heart sighs wherever we're apart, you fill life in it again.

Friendship often ends in love : but love in friendships, never.

Being in love with makes everyday an interesting one.

Loving you is both my biggest weakness and greatest strength.

Giving and receiving love can make life so beautiful!

Once you have learned to love, You will have learned to live.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.

Three words, eight letters, all for one person, I Love You!

It's amazing how stupid you can be when you're in love.  

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.

There is more pleasure in loving than in being beloved.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you.

Sometimes all you need is, is someone who can make you smile.

Like SAKURA my Love for you will surely FLUTTER to the Ground My Baby

Hi... Long time no see Guys (if there is any viewer LOLS XD) It has been a long time since my last update...
I have something to tell today... I do not know why that today is so bright but again so dark inside me... Maybe it is because i remembered my ex and what he did to me in the past 8 months... This morning i am just crying like a baby waiting my eyes to put lid in my night... And now I am listening to AILEE song's SAKURA that slap me in reality that the love is faded away and like sakura that its leave flutter to the ground... There is no coming back from the painful reality... It is like misery in the bottom of the ocean... When one thing i really need is LOVE... I lose it again and again... Sometimes I ask GOD when it will be the ending of this misery... When will I find the man that truly true and be good to me... It is funny right??? that today out of the 365 days i felt so little and somehow being nice is the hardest thing to do or think... Here is the story of today...

Today is not just that breezy there is one man that again make my heart sway away... Still the same person but yeah for the record i know that there will be no relationship come from us but still the longing for him still so hard to resist.... But I am being a jerk today to him. (or so he thought that I was). Maybe it is because i do not know what to say anymore to him. Since when I open my mouth he surely will tell me to shut up and tell me that I am attacking him like hourly basis... So what should I say then if every words of mine just attack him. I do not even know what i do wrong. but yeah. I tried to be good and calm then he again tell me that i am being somewhat sensitive or jerk ... Speechless it is word that can describe me now. hahaha... it is again... into this point to the end of the road... Many times to GOD i wished that I can be with the man I really like or LOVE... like him... but yeah... reality speak louder than my imagination to make believe it is impossible to grasp the love that does not even there... for him to know. hahaha... The man I like/love is a perfect man that doesnt even know how to be mistaken... Hahahah... I think after listening to this song... I realize....

"IT(THE LOVE) HAS TO FADE AWAY LIKE SAKURA" Because If i keep going chasing him till the end of my time i will never find him loving me back... and that is what you call the irony of being ME... So yeah... I do not know if this is the best way to deal with my pain... but being strong even though i am coughing blood is one thing that i can and have to do to be at least far away from him...

Like a SAKURA... I want to make this poem to dedicate it to him... (The Baby in My Life, My Deoryunim),

SAKURA
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

Spring has come when we hear the sound of the wind...
Seeing the smile of someone that can melt away the frozen heart
Flutter away like the SAKURA  
Making no sound but surely fall to the ground

Longing for you is like the best thing in life
Waiting and keep doing what I can do to see your smile
Like the blossom of SAKURA that can sway any pain 
Cherishing the beauty of your smile while being strong to stay beside you

I want to be with you for the rest of my life 
But again it is just my desire to be with someone i cannot reach in life
So when the SAKURA falls it is beautiful yet so painful
Because it will go faraway till the scent cannot be sense anymore.

This emptiness is coming back to me BUT...
I know that I ever Love a man LIKE you... It is... my HAPPINESS


PS : This is dedicated to YOU... 191916

That Came Out Little Wrong in The Night

Hey bloggies. hahaha... it has been a long time since i updated my journey to find something that people called achievement. Well I will be a bachelor of economic in a week... And I am so happy about it. Therefore life will not get its beauty if it is not for a twist. They say I will get to be a successful person when I graduate from the university... But yeah I am still unemployed... and I dont think that I have someone in life.... Hahahaha...

It is not always easy to find love. that is the song I have been listening now hahaha... Well that is true... After the breakups and the things happened in my life. The crumbles become cracks and yeah a disaster comes around. hahahaha. but again I find it really hard to be in love with someone again. hahaha. Until My best friend introduce me to someone that can light my heart again. hahahaha but again... I dont thing he will know that I have feelings for him and yeah. They is not that type of a possesive one... nor a attentive one. hahahaha stiff is how I can describe him sometimes. hahahaha but he loves Game... that is good to know because i love it too. but yeah. The difference is real and significant... I want to breakthrough but the friend zone get ahold me...

The feeling... of comfort make me realize that being friend is more than enough now... But again is it gonna be enough for the time being... I want more than that but what can I do. I have nothing at all... hahaha maybe that is why I get thrashed in the first place. I cannot find a job yet. How should I compare myself to the one that have all of the glamorous thing in life? hahaha it is so hard to survive these days... The end is near idk why i felt that way. but yeah. lots of things happened and I just do not know how to act anymore to survive... I am alone even I am with my family. at least even i have companies... it felt that the heart of mine need nourishment. It is like the plant needs its water... That i am still lacking of. Hahahahahaha.... Well tonight I am at a place that made me so happy for no reason. Hahaha... but again yet I am so lonely because of every lacking that i have. Well maybe for tonight I have a great poem hahaha

LONELIEST CROWD
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
Have you ever feel that it is so loud that you shudder into the emptiness?
I feel that the universe is a traffic full of personas but empty without boundaries.
Personas that can accentuate the life but yet is so full of flaw no one ever realize
I realize I do not have anything that I can boost of in materials.
But Is the world only for that kind of material people with lots of crowd yelling to show off?
I just know that I have hope but it is faintly fade away because This loneliness

Many people surround me but why I cannot feel that I am at the center of the CROWD?
Yes...
I know that is because my life is the LONELIEST...

What Life has become for me

After the break up and the nasty truth about life What Life has become for me???

Once or maybe twice or thrice... I ever asked myself How am I now...
But I still get the exact answer because I know everything still changing and not stabilized at this moment... I know that because somehow... I still feel hurt about the past relationship and yeah.. even though i will be graduating this august I still cannot find where I belong in this world... Hahaha I feel numb i feel tortured... But again and again that is just my mind playing tricks on me.

I wanna keep that way but again I am getting too emotionally attached with my pain and somehow that pains linger... Cried a lot screamed a lot... and sometimes i can feel the jor of everyone being happy and sweet about life. I wanna ask God few questions... why He did this to me and that... once, I get the answers but the next I feel that answer is still not enough and again i accepted it but the next day i don't. Well here it is a little emotional thoughts

Why my life is that miserable? losing someone I love gradually because I am too constraining again and again? Am I that bad so people never give a damn things about my feelings? I know I am not that good looking or rich or even has the ability to make everyone like me... but is that the sole cause so everyone can mess things up with me? Why God why? I am so lonely in this world even though lots of people are there for me... I still feel that at my lonely hours... In my boarding house i have no one to talk to... I want to talk I wanna be happy I wanna this and that... But I guess I dont deserve to get what I want but only what I need...

Maybe someday , I hope someday there still one man that can know that I am exist... not only for lust... but to build a home with me... I know I am not perfect... I know almost all of my life are messed up not to say that I am not a healthy kind of guy anymore... but yeah... I am still hoping there will be someone to talk to and someone that can be beside me... for the rest of my little life...

In Bones Season 10 Episode 22 I learnt that... seeking a closure means only a delutional things in life... So I asked to myself... Do i really need to seek closure that badly... ???

Darkest Light by Go Darmadi Unjaya
Behind the darkest sky
There will a Shimmering Light
Hope and Despairs 
Becomes one in realities
Wish the light across the street
Having all the home to have a place to rest
Man to man all the life to the best
Finding an answer from God to test