Partnership VS Relationship and The Things Revolves in IT

Today I am waking up thinking that my life is so boring. Yeah... How is not boring... IF
I am fresh graduate, still have no job and my life always revolves in the waking up, go back to my campus to download movies or just to hanging out and then working out then eating and back to sleep again. This past month ( it is the exactly 1 month after my graduation ) my life was just the same routines everyday... I wanna work so hard until I forget my loneliness but still have no clue where i can work since no offering has been made for me. Kinda desperate yes. but again. this is just my life story. and yeah I have to cope with it hahaha... At least on October 6th if i still do not get accepted, I can say goodbye to my freedom and get back home. hahaha. I do not know what to do by now. My life is just getting downward spiral each days... Hmmm, but again... Negative thinking is just for a loser right or so what i thought... I do not want to be one so i get up and be strong and keep believing that the job will come to me...
Also today, I found a nice Display Picture of my friend in my BBM that answers lots of my questions... about Partnership VS RELATIONSHIP... These few years i always dream about having a relationship with one man for the rest of my life. but not once i get a single mutual response. It is just me that having one sided love to them. The last time i have one relationship I failed miserably because of my distance... before that is because I cannot support the one i love with wealth, before that is because I was too naive thinking monogamist, before that is because I was too childish , before that is because I was too demanding and the last before that is because I was just too stupid as the first relationship of mine. So yeah... 6 Relationships failed miserably (even though I am still learning lots of things because of them... They taught me lots of things about how it will end with one sided love of mine).
So yeah I have my own conclusion that RELATIONSHIP is not my thing hahaha. because no one seems really care enough with what I have in life for them. Love... is it??? it is just word they have spoken many times for me but the proofs? they still left me or shoved me away... But today I find one silly paragraphs that is so true... Maybe what I need and want is not a relationship but a PARTNERSHIP... why? Here is the answer...
The paragraph said like this...

I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, They hold you back.
I want a best friend I can sleep with, make love to, hustle with, travel with, shop with, club with & live with.
I want a partner in crime, a life partner.
Someone I can laugh with & build with.
Somebody that I can trust with my heart, my money & my life.
Somebody I am not afraid to lose because I know they'll always be there.
Relationships just aren't for me... but a partnership, I'll take that.

Well... At first I think,,, WOW... that is so true man... maybe I find the answer by now why I fail at relationship because what i need and want even have to take is a partnership not relationship. hahaha just like my sister told me that Mature people doesn't need to promote that they are in a relationship with someone as long as they trust each other to walk into this life together and build some legacy in the way of their maturity. Hahahaha now i know The answer...

So today... I am happy because finding this answer accidentally but taught me about life....

I am 21 years old, Gay with SO-SO Looking, Fresh Grad, still have no job, still have no love and partner in crime... but again. I am happy to know that life is still beautiful as it is as long as I think there will be someone someday that will be my partner in crime. hahahaha... silly but that is so true...

And today I feel like I want to share my words for all of you :


PINK RESOLUTION
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

As the dew of the ocean get a glimpse of the eyes
Leveling the altitude of the earth into the balance of natures
Wind that blows fiercely is finally turning into breeze
Soothing the wound of the lonely wolf

Heat of the soul that limit the force now is free
For man to understand what is this and that
Knowledge to become a better simplicity
Virtue of the doves really need to fly...

When the sadness come you smile
When the anger come you laugh
When the loneliness come you cry
And... When the death come you embrace

"LONGING AS THE LOVE WILL COME TO ONE WHO KEEP"

This is Love or we can call this a journey to meet... YOU

A contribution for a great story by Bao Huynh. I ve been listening to the instrument that touched my heart by Danbi. Then I searched all around youtube and found a great MV lyrical one with a great story by Bao Huynh Production. I just wanna share it with everyone since it is so good that i wanna shed tears in this lonely day of mine hahahaha.... Why is it lonely. maybe because i am still myself without anyone to get me through this.... But eventually i will get through this even though i dont feel like it. hahahaha It is easier now for to get lonely than before. But again I am getting used to it. Hahahahaha no one to complain no one to be jealous of and definitely no one to scold anymore and yeah... no one to talk to. hahahhaha...
In my wish and dream I still want a possessive boyfriend someday. someone that can get really jealous like An Ziyan in the movie "Like love" that has just becoming my favorite movie in my entire life i dont know why hahahahaha.... People said being possessive is a bad thing. but for me... who doesnt really get a chance to meet a possesive Guy in my entire life... wanna feel to be possessed sometimes. not in the ghostly meaning but in the relationship meaning. I know people said being possessive is a childlike action. but definitely... I am tired being all the adult and yeah... being the childish one then humiliated again and again because of my characteristic... SOmetimes i just wanna be the one that can make people jealous not being one of the jealous one... Hahhaha... strange and weird maybe but a wish and a dream never wrong right... hahaha.... Well thats my entry for today... I am so happy that today is the premiere of the like love 2 : Nobody Knows But Me movie.... Even though i cannot watch it today i am still happy that there will be a chance for me to watch the second movie.... hopefully with someone i love in the future... hahahahahahahah my OWN "An Ziyan" This love of mine.... may wither but again. I am not giving up hope to find the real deal of love life
Here is the story for all of you to know by Bao Huynh... It is a great work of art.... :

This Year, You Miss Me

by BAO HUYNH ProductionMusic By : DANBI
Rewrite by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

If you love me only in my dreams, I want to sleep forever.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

You mean more to me than you will ever know.

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.

I'm waiting for the day when we will be together forever.

My heart sighs wherever we're apart, you fill life in it again.

Friendship often ends in love : but love in friendships, never.

Being in love with makes everyday an interesting one.

Loving you is both my biggest weakness and greatest strength.

Giving and receiving love can make life so beautiful!

Once you have learned to love, You will have learned to live.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.

Three words, eight letters, all for one person, I Love You!

It's amazing how stupid you can be when you're in love.  

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.

There is more pleasure in loving than in being beloved.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you.

Sometimes all you need is, is someone who can make you smile.

Like SAKURA my Love for you will surely FLUTTER to the Ground My Baby

Hi... Long time no see Guys (if there is any viewer LOLS XD) It has been a long time since my last update...
I have something to tell today... I do not know why that today is so bright but again so dark inside me... Maybe it is because i remembered my ex and what he did to me in the past 8 months... This morning i am just crying like a baby waiting my eyes to put lid in my night... And now I am listening to AILEE song's SAKURA that slap me in reality that the love is faded away and like sakura that its leave flutter to the ground... There is no coming back from the painful reality... It is like misery in the bottom of the ocean... When one thing i really need is LOVE... I lose it again and again... Sometimes I ask GOD when it will be the ending of this misery... When will I find the man that truly true and be good to me... It is funny right??? that today out of the 365 days i felt so little and somehow being nice is the hardest thing to do or think... Here is the story of today...

Today is not just that breezy there is one man that again make my heart sway away... Still the same person but yeah for the record i know that there will be no relationship come from us but still the longing for him still so hard to resist.... But I am being a jerk today to him. (or so he thought that I was). Maybe it is because i do not know what to say anymore to him. Since when I open my mouth he surely will tell me to shut up and tell me that I am attacking him like hourly basis... So what should I say then if every words of mine just attack him. I do not even know what i do wrong. but yeah. I tried to be good and calm then he again tell me that i am being somewhat sensitive or jerk ... Speechless it is word that can describe me now. hahaha... it is again... into this point to the end of the road... Many times to GOD i wished that I can be with the man I really like or LOVE... like him... but yeah... reality speak louder than my imagination to make believe it is impossible to grasp the love that does not even there... for him to know. hahaha... The man I like/love is a perfect man that doesnt even know how to be mistaken... Hahahah... I think after listening to this song... I realize....

"IT(THE LOVE) HAS TO FADE AWAY LIKE SAKURA" Because If i keep going chasing him till the end of my time i will never find him loving me back... and that is what you call the irony of being ME... So yeah... I do not know if this is the best way to deal with my pain... but being strong even though i am coughing blood is one thing that i can and have to do to be at least far away from him...

Like a SAKURA... I want to make this poem to dedicate it to him... (The Baby in My Life, My Deoryunim),

SAKURA
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

Spring has come when we hear the sound of the wind...
Seeing the smile of someone that can melt away the frozen heart
Flutter away like the SAKURA  
Making no sound but surely fall to the ground

Longing for you is like the best thing in life
Waiting and keep doing what I can do to see your smile
Like the blossom of SAKURA that can sway any pain 
Cherishing the beauty of your smile while being strong to stay beside you

I want to be with you for the rest of my life 
But again it is just my desire to be with someone i cannot reach in life
So when the SAKURA falls it is beautiful yet so painful
Because it will go faraway till the scent cannot be sense anymore.

This emptiness is coming back to me BUT...
I know that I ever Love a man LIKE you... It is... my HAPPINESS


PS : This is dedicated to YOU... 191916