Today I am waking up thinking that my life is so boring. Yeah... How is not boring... IF
I am fresh graduate, still have no job and my life always revolves in the waking up, go back to my campus to download movies or just to hanging out and then working out then eating and back to sleep again. This past month ( it is the exactly 1 month after my graduation ) my life was just the same routines everyday... I wanna work so hard until I forget my loneliness but still have no clue where i can work since no offering has been made for me. Kinda desperate yes. but again. this is just my life story. and yeah I have to cope with it hahaha... At least on October 6th if i still do not get accepted, I can say goodbye to my freedom and get back home. hahaha. I do not know what to do by now. My life is just getting downward spiral each days... Hmmm, but again... Negative thinking is just for a loser right or so what i thought... I do not want to be one so i get up and be strong and keep believing that the job will come to me...
Also today, I found a nice Display Picture of my friend in my BBM that answers lots of my questions... about Partnership VS RELATIONSHIP... These few years i always dream about having a relationship with one man for the rest of my life. but not once i get a single mutual response. It is just me that having one sided love to them. The last time i have one relationship I failed miserably because of my distance... before that is because I cannot support the one i love with wealth, before that is because I was too naive thinking monogamist, before that is because I was too childish , before that is because I was too demanding and the last before that is because I was just too stupid as the first relationship of mine. So yeah... 6 Relationships failed miserably (even though I am still learning lots of things because of them... They taught me lots of things about how it will end with one sided love of mine).
So yeah I have my own conclusion that RELATIONSHIP is not my thing hahaha. because no one seems really care enough with what I have in life for them. Love... is it??? it is just word they have spoken many times for me but the proofs? they still left me or shoved me away... But today I find one silly paragraphs that is so true... Maybe what I need and want is not a relationship but a PARTNERSHIP... why? Here is the answer...
The paragraph said like this...
I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, They hold you back.
I want a best friend I can sleep with, make love to, hustle with, travel with, shop with, club with & live with.
I want a partner in crime, a life partner.
Someone I can laugh with & build with.
Somebody that I can trust with my heart, my money & my life.
Somebody I am not afraid to lose because I know they'll always be there.
Relationships just aren't for me... but a partnership, I'll take that.
Well... At first I think,,, WOW... that is so true man... maybe I find the answer by now why I fail at relationship because what i need and want even have to take is a partnership not relationship. hahaha just like my sister told me that Mature people doesn't need to promote that they are in a relationship with someone as long as they trust each other to walk into this life together and build some legacy in the way of their maturity. Hahahaha now i know The answer...
So today... I am happy because finding this answer accidentally but taught me about life....
I am 21 years old, Gay with SO-SO Looking, Fresh Grad, still have no job, still have no love and partner in crime... but again. I am happy to know that life is still beautiful as it is as long as I think there will be someone someday that will be my partner in crime. hahahaha... silly but that is so true...
And today I feel like I want to share my words for all of you :
PINK RESOLUTION
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
As the dew of the ocean get a glimpse of the eyes
Leveling the altitude of the earth into the balance of natures
Wind that blows fiercely is finally turning into breeze
Soothing the wound of the lonely wolf
Heat of the soul that limit the force now is free
For man to understand what is this and that
Knowledge to become a better simplicity
Virtue of the doves really need to fly...
When the sadness come you smile
When the anger come you laugh
When the loneliness come you cry
And... When the death come you embrace
"LONGING AS THE LOVE WILL COME TO ONE WHO KEEP"
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