Hi... How was it at The end of the Line

So it is June already. The time for me to realize many things had happened since April I posted my last entry... So yeah... Things happened that change my course of life. So yeah now I am in June starting to moving on again since I am not getting any thing worth it to fight for.
I will resign from my work in the end of June so I will get off at July. It is so sad but again I am like gaining freedom since I will be free from hypocrisy in the place I called my Third Home...

Here is the review from me about the work...
A great opportunity being a full fledged staff when I just graduated from my university. First I thought I will work my best to give everything so The hotel and I can grow together in the mean future. But. As I prolong the journey I found out that only a lil bit of me understanding what the meaning of growing up. Yes I know I do not have the experience being some hoteliers... But I think I am not up to the judgmental and racism towards me in that hotel. Recently I made a decision to transfer and asking for a simple recommendation... Yeah just a simple one... Yes or No... Recommendation... But... What I got is kinda surprising.... I got judged by the authority and getting pushed down. I am still kinda uneasy so yeah... I am gonna review this case a lil bit... You know what... even 17 years of experiences can't make someone judge people harshly. How can people say that they have been in the industry for 17 years yet the mind is still closed like a turtle in the shell. I just wanna say one thing to you Mr Manager... :-) How you judged people and looking down on fresh graduates are showing that your 17 years experience questionable... not for all people but maybe for me. because what? If you got into 17 years but you still just judging people and giving label to people easily and not by finding the truth but only because hearing or listening to the comments only without clarifying... I can guarantee... that even someone with 1 year experience but with an open minded and a wise thinking can be a better man than yours. So yeah. For all the lessons I have learned of how cruel and harsh work-life can be I am really thankful... And For those lessons too I know I will be a better person than you... So in another years... Let us see. who will prevail and who will survive the world... Your judgment that I am not fitted into the hospitality industry will be the words that keep motivates me to be a better person in the hospitality industry. Just so you see. The difference between 3 stars... and 5 stars... This is not boasting... But this is my motivation from our last conversation... You judged and labeled people easily. but I will prove that your judgment and label will exceed your limitations in the closed mind of yours...

In the End Sire... Thanks for letting me know how clueless you are with your words in the mean future... Hope your good karma still can save you from something that will befall upon you...

For the business. I believe that it will grow up higher and higher... If the people are also growing.. not stuck in the one's vocabulary. We are a modernized and innovated people. So... Old saying will not give us much like in the old time... since everything is changing.

Sincerely.... Your fresh graduate soon to be ex-personel

And so I am gonna apply for management training one more time. hopefully that luck will shine one more time for me. hopefully...
Clap From Heaven
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

As the Hand start clapping the coins falling down
The face is more important than standing down
So be it the fate of something to the core...
But let the world know that Clap is for those who deserves

Used to think why people just looking for a face
Later I found that is because face is a beauty in disgrace...
For me... The inner face are more beautiful ...
Than the ugly truth saying that outer face are being tempered.

So for all people in this world...
Do not search for Clap From World...
But look for The true personality in truth
The Clap From Heaven... 
(Because you deserved it not because you only look for it)

Life Nowadays

It has been like 2 months... hahaha very tired to update some blog yeah. i know but yeah. i am still in touch in this blog because this blog is just my OUT from every thing that i really despise in the world. Hahaha. Currently I am working till having what i cannot have before. And life nowadays is not that enjoyable as it is said before. But tried to enjoy it to the fullest since I just want to enjoy every moment life in my life. I have to say thanks to every people who still staying in my life till now. I know I have made lots of mistakes... Who didn't? hahaha. So yeah.... I just got what I deserved in life. I redeemed everything in every possible way. such as surgeries etc. So I hope when I come clean in the future i can have what i call LIFE again....

So I am back again... after meeting my mom and my dad... They are just two loveliest people I ever met in my life. second loveliest is my sister though. I mean... despite everything that I have done to them. and lots of hardship i give them.... They still taking care of me loving me... I just feel very little now... I wanna cry out loud... why my life is not just an ordinary life to make them proud... why my life have to be in this way now. I wish if i can turn the wheel back to my past I will change one series of event so maybe I can have another future. hahaha... but yeah that is so cliche. I know it will not happen in this moment though... But I just hope at least once in my  life i can make them proud having me despite all of things I have done... before last breath I will breathe though... This McDonald's food I will remember all of my life. because I know there will be someone to look out for me that is my family. I believe that family should be like this. It is not easy but it is not  hard either. what you need is just sincerity and trust. :-) Thanks Pa Ma Ce :-) You are always be the oasis of my life.

So for my love life.. Still haven't find someone to rely on after the past event... But I don't really care about it now. since life is not just for love life only right. hehehe... But I believe there will be someone for me somewhere in this world. but for having him to be mine. i need to work on some changes too... since no pain no gain. Love is painful indeed but with the pain you will gain something worth to remember... and to treasure until your death bed. :-)... So cherish the life I had now. and enjoying eating some fast food. hahahaahah...

It is All About Loving What I have and Be Grateful
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

LOVE MY LIFE 
LOVE MYSELF
LOVE MY DOING
LOVE MY DAY
LOVE MY PARENTS
LOVE MY SISTERS
LOVE MY FAMILIES
LOVE MY SITUATION
LOVE MY CHANGING
LOVE MY WORLD THAT KEEP SPINNING 
LOVE MY TIME THAT ALWAYS GIVE ME SOME TO REDEEM MY BAD KARMA
LOVE MY SOON TO BE HUSBAND (WHEN THE TIME IS COMING AT THE RIGHT TIME)

PS : Be Grateful for everything you already have. Don't care what you still not have but  other people have... Because YOU ARE YOU.... OTHERS are OTHERS

Lullaby... These Nightmares still on my nerve

LULLABY by POLINA GAGARINA

Pain and sorrow It's all you feel today Tears and hollow Drifting all the way Face your demons Chase away your ghosts State your freedom You are your own host Your redemption is close for you to reach Peace is there  Find yourself the breach Ref: Wipe your tears and breathe again Fight your fears and break the chain Find yourself and free your soul Feel again And be a whole Smile for me  My love And shine Spread your wings Begin to fly Feel the sun Your spring is near here and there's nothing to fear

Once I listened to this song i feel like all these nightmares are coming back to me. It feels like lullaby. but yeah. again. Sleeping is kinda my nightmare since it brings back deep memories into the surface. I dont know why i am feeling like this but it must be something that i really feared. Being alone maybe. because this song tell me how not to be alone again in this world but I cannot seems believe anyone in this world. Trusting is easy but believing??? I hope that someday someone will read this and come to me to tell me it is okay to believe someone again. and that is him. Hahahaha... Seems like that is just my empty hope for the day... Suddenly feels gloomy so I just post some junk i think. hahahaah.... Reminiscing some life of mine that turn to be cold and empty... Emptier than before and even colder than before. because everyone is just the same. They just know how to be with me in some situations... but in my lonely hour... they tend to go away and be with another one that is better than me. well that is being realistic i think. in this world... Gay is just... a single entity that will keep being loner... even how much I wanna be with someone till my last breath... all i will ever get is just. the empty heart with full of lies and dramas. Life is just that simple because once I start my liking to someone.... They just go away. and when I don't like someone. they like me the most. What an Irony for today conversation huh.... Just like this song I hope someone can say that to me... Soon or maybe never... hahaah because i dont think i am ready to get hurt again and again with an empty promise. Even myself is a liar why I keep believing if everyone is not? That's for today maybe. :-)




Spending time in the Dessert but is not hot let alone scorched... It is cold. Cold like Ice...
That is the same like my feeling to watch others like nothingness ... Because i cannot even trust myself now.
Who can I trust then???
I prayed to GOD to help me find the answer... But still find nothing till now. Have a nice day everyone. :-)