What Life has become for me

After the break up and the nasty truth about life What Life has become for me???

Once or maybe twice or thrice... I ever asked myself How am I now...
But I still get the exact answer because I know everything still changing and not stabilized at this moment... I know that because somehow... I still feel hurt about the past relationship and yeah.. even though i will be graduating this august I still cannot find where I belong in this world... Hahaha I feel numb i feel tortured... But again and again that is just my mind playing tricks on me.

I wanna keep that way but again I am getting too emotionally attached with my pain and somehow that pains linger... Cried a lot screamed a lot... and sometimes i can feel the jor of everyone being happy and sweet about life. I wanna ask God few questions... why He did this to me and that... once, I get the answers but the next I feel that answer is still not enough and again i accepted it but the next day i don't. Well here it is a little emotional thoughts

Why my life is that miserable? losing someone I love gradually because I am too constraining again and again? Am I that bad so people never give a damn things about my feelings? I know I am not that good looking or rich or even has the ability to make everyone like me... but is that the sole cause so everyone can mess things up with me? Why God why? I am so lonely in this world even though lots of people are there for me... I still feel that at my lonely hours... In my boarding house i have no one to talk to... I want to talk I wanna be happy I wanna this and that... But I guess I dont deserve to get what I want but only what I need...

Maybe someday , I hope someday there still one man that can know that I am exist... not only for lust... but to build a home with me... I know I am not perfect... I know almost all of my life are messed up not to say that I am not a healthy kind of guy anymore... but yeah... I am still hoping there will be someone to talk to and someone that can be beside me... for the rest of my little life...

In Bones Season 10 Episode 22 I learnt that... seeking a closure means only a delutional things in life... So I asked to myself... Do i really need to seek closure that badly... ???

Darkest Light by Go Darmadi Unjaya
Behind the darkest sky
There will a Shimmering Light
Hope and Despairs 
Becomes one in realities
Wish the light across the street
Having all the home to have a place to rest
Man to man all the life to the best
Finding an answer from God to test