Life Nowadays

It has been like 2 months... hahaha very tired to update some blog yeah. i know but yeah. i am still in touch in this blog because this blog is just my OUT from every thing that i really despise in the world. Hahaha. Currently I am working till having what i cannot have before. And life nowadays is not that enjoyable as it is said before. But tried to enjoy it to the fullest since I just want to enjoy every moment life in my life. I have to say thanks to every people who still staying in my life till now. I know I have made lots of mistakes... Who didn't? hahaha. So yeah.... I just got what I deserved in life. I redeemed everything in every possible way. such as surgeries etc. So I hope when I come clean in the future i can have what i call LIFE again....

So I am back again... after meeting my mom and my dad... They are just two loveliest people I ever met in my life. second loveliest is my sister though. I mean... despite everything that I have done to them. and lots of hardship i give them.... They still taking care of me loving me... I just feel very little now... I wanna cry out loud... why my life is not just an ordinary life to make them proud... why my life have to be in this way now. I wish if i can turn the wheel back to my past I will change one series of event so maybe I can have another future. hahaha... but yeah that is so cliche. I know it will not happen in this moment though... But I just hope at least once in my  life i can make them proud having me despite all of things I have done... before last breath I will breathe though... This McDonald's food I will remember all of my life. because I know there will be someone to look out for me that is my family. I believe that family should be like this. It is not easy but it is not  hard either. what you need is just sincerity and trust. :-) Thanks Pa Ma Ce :-) You are always be the oasis of my life.

So for my love life.. Still haven't find someone to rely on after the past event... But I don't really care about it now. since life is not just for love life only right. hehehe... But I believe there will be someone for me somewhere in this world. but for having him to be mine. i need to work on some changes too... since no pain no gain. Love is painful indeed but with the pain you will gain something worth to remember... and to treasure until your death bed. :-)... So cherish the life I had now. and enjoying eating some fast food. hahahaahah...

It is All About Loving What I have and Be Grateful
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

LOVE MY LIFE 
LOVE MYSELF
LOVE MY DOING
LOVE MY DAY
LOVE MY PARENTS
LOVE MY SISTERS
LOVE MY FAMILIES
LOVE MY SITUATION
LOVE MY CHANGING
LOVE MY WORLD THAT KEEP SPINNING 
LOVE MY TIME THAT ALWAYS GIVE ME SOME TO REDEEM MY BAD KARMA
LOVE MY SOON TO BE HUSBAND (WHEN THE TIME IS COMING AT THE RIGHT TIME)

PS : Be Grateful for everything you already have. Don't care what you still not have but  other people have... Because YOU ARE YOU.... OTHERS are OTHERS

Lullaby... These Nightmares still on my nerve

LULLABY by POLINA GAGARINA

Pain and sorrow It's all you feel today Tears and hollow Drifting all the way Face your demons Chase away your ghosts State your freedom You are your own host Your redemption is close for you to reach Peace is there  Find yourself the breach Ref: Wipe your tears and breathe again Fight your fears and break the chain Find yourself and free your soul Feel again And be a whole Smile for me  My love And shine Spread your wings Begin to fly Feel the sun Your spring is near here and there's nothing to fear

Once I listened to this song i feel like all these nightmares are coming back to me. It feels like lullaby. but yeah. again. Sleeping is kinda my nightmare since it brings back deep memories into the surface. I dont know why i am feeling like this but it must be something that i really feared. Being alone maybe. because this song tell me how not to be alone again in this world but I cannot seems believe anyone in this world. Trusting is easy but believing??? I hope that someday someone will read this and come to me to tell me it is okay to believe someone again. and that is him. Hahahaha... Seems like that is just my empty hope for the day... Suddenly feels gloomy so I just post some junk i think. hahahaah.... Reminiscing some life of mine that turn to be cold and empty... Emptier than before and even colder than before. because everyone is just the same. They just know how to be with me in some situations... but in my lonely hour... they tend to go away and be with another one that is better than me. well that is being realistic i think. in this world... Gay is just... a single entity that will keep being loner... even how much I wanna be with someone till my last breath... all i will ever get is just. the empty heart with full of lies and dramas. Life is just that simple because once I start my liking to someone.... They just go away. and when I don't like someone. they like me the most. What an Irony for today conversation huh.... Just like this song I hope someone can say that to me... Soon or maybe never... hahaah because i dont think i am ready to get hurt again and again with an empty promise. Even myself is a liar why I keep believing if everyone is not? That's for today maybe. :-)




Spending time in the Dessert but is not hot let alone scorched... It is cold. Cold like Ice...
That is the same like my feeling to watch others like nothingness ... Because i cannot even trust myself now.
Who can I trust then???
I prayed to GOD to help me find the answer... But still find nothing till now. Have a nice day everyone. :-)

Stay with me till I see The Light

Hi Everyone...
It has been a week... Life has been better everyday...
With my sister's Prewedding day has been so good...
Love to take the photo of her with her husband to be...
They are so good looking... I am so envy sometimes... but happy too when seeing them together like a lovebird in their own world... So sweet... So Romantic and feel like they have their own world...
Today is her birthday.... I am so glad I still have the chance to celebrate her birthday and also my parents 27th anniversary of marriage. I know I have been so wrong in the past... But now... I know that in this world... My family is the best thing that can happen in my life From yesterday, today and tomorrow... I realize by the past that I made... that Family is the only one that will take you as who you are no matter who you really are... for me... Family is all I have now... Ahhh.. not too forget my Super Besties... in life... hahaha... So yeah the update of my struggling now is over and i am inclining to reach what it is called Happiness Life... Even so many things that I am still lacking... I already happy that I have my family. and beloved sisters that I am really glad to have. I will treasure this moment till Death will take me someday... I live to love the life that my parents pass to me..... I probably not the best son (well I am anyway since I am the only son) or the best children they have... but now I am giving my best to support them to the fullest. My Goal now is to make them even happier that the world will not stomp on us ever again... I will prove that from today I can make promise that I will keep even Life is all I have to sacrifice for them. I love them so much... hehe even though sometimes they might be so annoying. they are the ones that accept me for who I really am... Especially My Beloved second sister...
Well Someday... I will give her a simple but very treasurable present for her... Hope she will like it... at least that is all I can do for her in this life... Hope I still have time to give her the present hehehe... I already prepare it from today... (T-Hee)....
I do still hope for a love that will stay with me till I see the morning light...
I have been stay close with one big brother from YN... Hoping that someday I can meet him... hahaha to see what will be our future hold... Gege... These past 3 weeks we knew each other... I grew fondness to you. hahaha... I hope you will always be happy... with... or without me... Hahahaha....
if it is with me... Stay with me till I see The light wouldja??? You melt my heart lil by lil... but still. distance are quite the problem... so I will get a way to meet you at least once in this lifetime... Hahahaha......

And this is a little Birthday gift for her(My Sister => GVLU) to see if she happens to have time to read :

THIS STRONG LADY IS MY SISTER

by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
Strong Woman... I can see her spirit in her eyes
Dedications of a true fighter is for describing her Spirits
She has been through lots she can still be Strong like Tigress
The path and bridges are what she best at
With her help many survives and many smiles
Her sorrow is no one can imagine but she keep fighting till the last blood she has
DIGNITY is what she told me always preserves
Her life will get better and better...
I know... Good people will have the happily ever after endings...
That is you my sister.... My beloved sister in life....
I love you and will do anything to make you happy with all the rest of time that I have
Keep strong and Happy Birthday my Beloved Sister 
GVLU

One and Only... If you would really be Mine...

Hi Hi... lols
Been updating the blog again... lols
Well so far so good the life of mine and the families are beyond comparison...
But again... I do not know why I am still feel so lonely
And hearing the song of Adele ... Again... I am so touched yet so sad.
Why There still no one who can be mine as a whole. hahaha
To be my one and only
The Song... Is so Great... :-)


I AM WORTHY
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
I am one loneliness of the year and the next...
When given the passage I just stood there and cry
Ask for something that is too far to reach
I know I am not that good or capable of the sweet little love.
But I know I am worthy. So one day I ask.. Why no one can be my one and only?
I want to forget the past and be yours. but again... I am too afraid to step in the same step in the mine.
I know I wanna be strong but again... Who Am I?
I am just a single piece of broken string. No one wants me as whole....
But who I am to ask. since there is no great measures I have done....
But if God Someday give me a lil chance out of luck...

I will grab it and somehow... Let it fly far away... to know... That he is the real one and only...
For me... For my Life...
In this time and for the future till my time is passing out.
I will love him... That is why his happiness will come first...
Nobody Perfect I know. but I will try to be better everyday so tomorrow I can proudly claim what is meant for me.
The One and Only...

Hei Foon Nei... My Best Resolution of today

Lately I have been talking with someone that is so dear for me.
He can sing a very good song that can grab anyone heart...
One of them is this... The best that I can listen right now is Hei Foon Nei
The song is very good and brightening my day... Here is what I have in mind because of this song
I still have hope that can be achieved someday.

I like you ( This is Like What I feel to you Right Now)

Translation:

The fine rain brings the wind to the wet streets of the evening
Brushing off the water from my eyes, I suddenly look up without reason
Gazing towards the lonely night light, there are my hurtful memories

Once again, I brought up the countless yearning in my heart
The past smile/laughter is still hung on my face
I wish you would know at this moment
My sincere words

I love you, your touching eyes
Your laughter that is even more mesmerizing
I wish I can once again caress your adorable face
And talk about our dreams as we hold hands
Just like yesterday, you and me

I, who is full of ambitions, was once too impulsive
I always complained that it was hard to find freedom in a relationship with her
I wish you would know at this moment
My sincere words

I love you, your touching eyes
Your laughter that is even more mesmerizing
I wish I can once again caress your adorable face
And talk about our dreams as we hold hands
Just like yesterday, you and me

Every night I wander off alone; it’s so cold
In the past, I only struggled for myself
I never thought about her pain before

I love you, your touching eyes
Your laughter that is even more mesmerizing
I wish I can once again caress your adorable face
And talk about our dreams as we hold hands
Just like yesterday, you and me

Chinese:

細雨帶風濕透黃昏的街道
抹去雨水雙眼無故地仰望
望向孤單的晚燈 是那傷感的記憶

再次泛起心裡無數的思念
以往片刻歡笑仍掛在臉上
願你此刻可會知 是我衷心的說聲

喜歡你 那雙眼動人 笑聲更迷人
願再可 輕撫你那可愛面容 挽手說夢話
像昨天 你共我

滿帶理想的我曾經多衝動
屢怨與她相愛難有自由
願你此刻可會知 是我衷心的說聲

喜歡你 那雙眼動人 笑聲更迷人
願再可 輕撫你那可愛面容 挽手說夢話
像昨天 你共我

每晚夜裡自我獨行
隨處蕩 多冰冷
以往為了自我掙扎
從不知 她的痛苦

Hope That Someday I can find the one That can Sing this too... 

Like you Wo de gege... Hahahaha

Partnership VS Relationship and The Things Revolves in IT

Today I am waking up thinking that my life is so boring. Yeah... How is not boring... IF
I am fresh graduate, still have no job and my life always revolves in the waking up, go back to my campus to download movies or just to hanging out and then working out then eating and back to sleep again. This past month ( it is the exactly 1 month after my graduation ) my life was just the same routines everyday... I wanna work so hard until I forget my loneliness but still have no clue where i can work since no offering has been made for me. Kinda desperate yes. but again. this is just my life story. and yeah I have to cope with it hahaha... At least on October 6th if i still do not get accepted, I can say goodbye to my freedom and get back home. hahaha. I do not know what to do by now. My life is just getting downward spiral each days... Hmmm, but again... Negative thinking is just for a loser right or so what i thought... I do not want to be one so i get up and be strong and keep believing that the job will come to me...
Also today, I found a nice Display Picture of my friend in my BBM that answers lots of my questions... about Partnership VS RELATIONSHIP... These few years i always dream about having a relationship with one man for the rest of my life. but not once i get a single mutual response. It is just me that having one sided love to them. The last time i have one relationship I failed miserably because of my distance... before that is because I cannot support the one i love with wealth, before that is because I was too naive thinking monogamist, before that is because I was too childish , before that is because I was too demanding and the last before that is because I was just too stupid as the first relationship of mine. So yeah... 6 Relationships failed miserably (even though I am still learning lots of things because of them... They taught me lots of things about how it will end with one sided love of mine).
So yeah I have my own conclusion that RELATIONSHIP is not my thing hahaha. because no one seems really care enough with what I have in life for them. Love... is it??? it is just word they have spoken many times for me but the proofs? they still left me or shoved me away... But today I find one silly paragraphs that is so true... Maybe what I need and want is not a relationship but a PARTNERSHIP... why? Here is the answer...
The paragraph said like this...

I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, They hold you back.
I want a best friend I can sleep with, make love to, hustle with, travel with, shop with, club with & live with.
I want a partner in crime, a life partner.
Someone I can laugh with & build with.
Somebody that I can trust with my heart, my money & my life.
Somebody I am not afraid to lose because I know they'll always be there.
Relationships just aren't for me... but a partnership, I'll take that.

Well... At first I think,,, WOW... that is so true man... maybe I find the answer by now why I fail at relationship because what i need and want even have to take is a partnership not relationship. hahaha just like my sister told me that Mature people doesn't need to promote that they are in a relationship with someone as long as they trust each other to walk into this life together and build some legacy in the way of their maturity. Hahahaha now i know The answer...

So today... I am happy because finding this answer accidentally but taught me about life....

I am 21 years old, Gay with SO-SO Looking, Fresh Grad, still have no job, still have no love and partner in crime... but again. I am happy to know that life is still beautiful as it is as long as I think there will be someone someday that will be my partner in crime. hahahaha... silly but that is so true...

And today I feel like I want to share my words for all of you :


PINK RESOLUTION
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

As the dew of the ocean get a glimpse of the eyes
Leveling the altitude of the earth into the balance of natures
Wind that blows fiercely is finally turning into breeze
Soothing the wound of the lonely wolf

Heat of the soul that limit the force now is free
For man to understand what is this and that
Knowledge to become a better simplicity
Virtue of the doves really need to fly...

When the sadness come you smile
When the anger come you laugh
When the loneliness come you cry
And... When the death come you embrace

"LONGING AS THE LOVE WILL COME TO ONE WHO KEEP"

This is Love or we can call this a journey to meet... YOU

A contribution for a great story by Bao Huynh. I ve been listening to the instrument that touched my heart by Danbi. Then I searched all around youtube and found a great MV lyrical one with a great story by Bao Huynh Production. I just wanna share it with everyone since it is so good that i wanna shed tears in this lonely day of mine hahahaha.... Why is it lonely. maybe because i am still myself without anyone to get me through this.... But eventually i will get through this even though i dont feel like it. hahahaha It is easier now for to get lonely than before. But again I am getting used to it. Hahahahaha no one to complain no one to be jealous of and definitely no one to scold anymore and yeah... no one to talk to. hahahhaha...
In my wish and dream I still want a possessive boyfriend someday. someone that can get really jealous like An Ziyan in the movie "Like love" that has just becoming my favorite movie in my entire life i dont know why hahahahaha.... People said being possessive is a bad thing. but for me... who doesnt really get a chance to meet a possesive Guy in my entire life... wanna feel to be possessed sometimes. not in the ghostly meaning but in the relationship meaning. I know people said being possessive is a childlike action. but definitely... I am tired being all the adult and yeah... being the childish one then humiliated again and again because of my characteristic... SOmetimes i just wanna be the one that can make people jealous not being one of the jealous one... Hahhaha... strange and weird maybe but a wish and a dream never wrong right... hahaha.... Well thats my entry for today... I am so happy that today is the premiere of the like love 2 : Nobody Knows But Me movie.... Even though i cannot watch it today i am still happy that there will be a chance for me to watch the second movie.... hopefully with someone i love in the future... hahahahahahahah my OWN "An Ziyan" This love of mine.... may wither but again. I am not giving up hope to find the real deal of love life
Here is the story for all of you to know by Bao Huynh... It is a great work of art.... :

This Year, You Miss Me

by BAO HUYNH ProductionMusic By : DANBI
Rewrite by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

If you love me only in my dreams, I want to sleep forever.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

You mean more to me than you will ever know.

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.

I'm waiting for the day when we will be together forever.

My heart sighs wherever we're apart, you fill life in it again.

Friendship often ends in love : but love in friendships, never.

Being in love with makes everyday an interesting one.

Loving you is both my biggest weakness and greatest strength.

Giving and receiving love can make life so beautiful!

Once you have learned to love, You will have learned to live.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.

Three words, eight letters, all for one person, I Love You!

It's amazing how stupid you can be when you're in love.  

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.

There is more pleasure in loving than in being beloved.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you.

Sometimes all you need is, is someone who can make you smile.