Hariku dan Harinya

Indah memang setiap hari bila dilandasi dengan rasa kasih sayang dan juga cinta kasih yang murni dan tulus...
Pagi ini aku bangun dengan banyak pertanyaan di benakku karena semalam aku melihat youtube mengenai ramalan Tarot yang memberiku informasi yang cukup "menantang" menghadapi hubungan ku dengan pasanganku yang berada nun jauh di Bali... Ya... Ini adalah tentang tantangan hubungan Scorpio dengan Sagittarius. Banyak sekali rintangan diberitahukan akan terjadi dalam video tersebut. Namun satu hal yang aku tangkap, CINTA... itu adalah landasan dimana aku akan kuat bertahan ketika aku berada jauh dengan dirinya di Surabaya dan dia di Bali. Tantangan-tantangan yang harus kuhadapi adalah pengaruh dari pihak-pihak ketiga dalam hubungan kita... Namun dari sana pun aku belajar bahwa itu hanyalah orang ketiga bukan pasangan "ketiga" so asal kita berdua benar-benar menjaga hati dan jujur terhadap satu sama lain, aku merasa sejauh apapun badai dan rintangan berusaha untuk berhembus dalam kehidupan kita, pasti akan dapat diselesaikan dengan semangat dan pikiran yang tenang serta dingin.

Entah kenapa aku merasa bahwa aku akan selalu menjadi diriku sendiri mencintai dia yang juga mencintai diriku. Aku menemukan seseorang yang telah menjadi tambatan hatiku yang selama ini aku tidak pernah temukan di 12 kali aku berpacaran sebelumnya, Dihargai sebagai layaknya manusia yang disayangi dan dicintai. Tuhan, bila aku bisa berkata padamu dalam tiap doaku, Aku bersyukur bahwa hidupku telah lengkap sekarang, mulai dari Orang tua yang sangat mendukungku dalam segala langkahku dalam hidup 25 tahun ini, Cece kedua yang selalu menjadi pelipur laraku dan tempatku bersandar saat aku memiliki banyak sekali permasalahan dalam hidupku sekalipun dia sendiri juga memiliki masalah yang bahkan tidak sebanding dengan masalahku. Beruntung memiliki keluarga yang dalam keadaan apapun masih menerimaku sebagai manusia yang benar-benar layak untuk dihargai. Dan akhirnya untuk menambah kelengkapan dalam hidupku, datanglah seorang lelaki dewasa yang membuat dunia asmaraku yang abu-abu menjadi penuh warna hingga aku sangat bersyukur dapat bertemu dengan diri beliau.

TERIMA KASIH PADAMU
yang telah mencerahkan HARIKU DAN HARIMU menjadikannya HARI KITA BERSAMA

Walau jarakmu lebih dari 400 km namun hati kita tetap bersatu menjadi sepasang kekasih yang saling mendewasakan sesama. Banyak perbedaan dalam diri kita, namun banyak juga persamaan yang kita dapati, berbeda keyakinan namun tak membuat kita mencibir sesama. DUKUNGANMU membuatku jadi lebih kuat dalam menghadapi banyak hal. Dan aku harap dengan DUKUNGANKU membuatmu jadi lebih baik dan lebih tegar dalam menghadapi tantangan dalam hubungan kita berdua.

Aku Sayang Kamu
Aku Cinta Kamu
My DRH

Long Distance Relationship 1 month 1 week young

Hi All,
This is what I have been through since my last update...
I finally found the one that is now become the partner in my life...
But lots of challenges are happening... but until now... I am sure that I am handling it very well

I know that I am fucked up man but again, I dont know why I can say the "L" word to him easily...
Is it just because he is easy to love or that I am so messed up I am saying that word easily...

Many thoughts, many insecurities, many arguments...
People say that a healthy relationship is built on a healthy arguments and understandings...

BUT...
is it also a distance that built more successful relationship...
Here we come to my jumbled mind now...

Talking about what I think and what I want but also what I need...

So basically this partner of mine has lots of layers that I need to breakdown... but I am also challenged by his changing behavior every time I was into deep communication with him. Sometimes he is cheerful and loving, sometimes he is cold and mysterious, sometimes he is so stubborn and jerk... but sometimes also he is wounded and vulnerable... That is what I have got in these past 5 weeks with him but 2 weeks separated by DISTANCES...

I know he is a very mature man and looking for equality in our partnership, so he worked very hard tirelessly to become a man worthy enough to stand by my side... well... I am applauding his courage to become better man for me. well but I think he is becoming a better man for himself... But both of the choices are OKAY with me... why... I might be a little confuse about his changing behaviors but I know that is because many things happened in his 'almost' 32 years of living in the world of this treacherous mankind... Life has not been that well in the his younger years... and TRAUMA is consuming him for a very long time. but in my opinion, he has done very well in his life but somehow life is not in favor of him... I am asking myself... Can I be his motivation to heal himself...

THE ANSWER is... MAYBE...
Maybe Yes I can be his motivation to heal himself since I know my capabilities as a healer and motivator. I know I have been through a lot also so I can relate even though what I have is only a short time memories of loving... I know I can do it so I can penetrate the deep wall he built in these past years...

Maybe No... Because his wall is too thick and like my past relation, I got shut out again and again and I cannot give what he want... So somehow it is inevitable that I might lose the battle... again...

BUT I already gave my heart to him... and I am not the one that is back off from a challenge given to me... He challenged me to survive 3 months of the partnership in distances... and I accept the challenge... SO BE IT... I know I will survive the hardest storm with him... I know I will because deep down... I know what I am capable of... So DRH I promise you this... I might be veryyyy clingy to you, I might be a veryyyyy childish person you will ever know in your life... I might broken one or two of my promise in the future... but by no means I will ever give up what we have today. I might be very naughty to handle I might be very needy. but taught me well and I will be the one that is enought for you to rely on. not because I have money, but because I have sincerity and I have spirit to protect you. We will protect each other and we will cherish the partnership we have until someday we are mature enough to have hand in hand... MARRIAGE...

ONE POEM FOR YOU...

ME BEFORE YOU
by Go Darmadi Unjaya

As the sky turning Red
Remember the gloom that turn to shred...
You come without asking
As the leave without something
I fucked up
I messed up
We both are...
From the start where we are...
I am both foolish also childish
You are both realist also oldies...
By any means we met as the bed on the street.
By any chance we falling as the impact from the meet
Now we are intertwined with the fate of a bliss
Will it be the one that give us thing for a feast.
ME BEFORE YOU is always egoist
YOU BEFORE ME is always egoist
Both of us are a creature that relinquish
For thou shall come before me and I before you.
Dreaming life beside each other in the same soil
THE END is just THE BEGINNING

TRYING TO MAKE A COMEBACK : LIFE CRUSH STORY REVISITED

Time change...
People too...
Life is not the same as it was before...
That I know It cannot be reversed...
What I have done...
What I have not done...
I think it has been 3 years after my last post...
WHY???
Because I met a man that made me remember i used to do blogging...
I read his new BLOG and... It tells me things that I should have done long time ago...

MAKING A COMEBACK IN WRITING...
Hahaha... Thanks... Man... You are amazing since day One... And I hope i can know you... Lil by lil everyday...

You made a spark in my life in a single shot...

And I Tell GOD "LORD surely have the power to bestow me that single moment that even I myself surprised that I can connect with a man so intense that I am afraid I am gonna lose him"

Sometimes it is funny to just look at a person and being mesmerized by the charm... Completely speechless when he treated you like a "REAL HUMAN BEING" Even though it was only "Fun" I learnt lots of things... And suddenly that feeling start to take control over my logical...

You might say that you are a nerd, a geek or a weirdo... But to me... Even only meeting you one time... I know you are someone more precious than the label...just like you have said to me it is all JUST the numbers.

Looking forward to have a next meeting and journey with you again...

I know that I what I have is real... Yours is too...

Just hoping that i will see you again more often... I know i am childish but i know that life is all about balancing your childish side and mature side... Head to head... Arm to arm... Heat to heat...

All day long
All night long

Cheers from Me
Cheers for You

COMING BACK IS A REAL JOURNEY BECAUSE I FOUND YOU

Hi... How was it at The end of the Line

So it is June already. The time for me to realize many things had happened since April I posted my last entry... So yeah... Things happened that change my course of life. So yeah now I am in June starting to moving on again since I am not getting any thing worth it to fight for.
I will resign from my work in the end of June so I will get off at July. It is so sad but again I am like gaining freedom since I will be free from hypocrisy in the place I called my Third Home...

Here is the review from me about the work...
A great opportunity being a full fledged staff when I just graduated from my university. First I thought I will work my best to give everything so The hotel and I can grow together in the mean future. But. As I prolong the journey I found out that only a lil bit of me understanding what the meaning of growing up. Yes I know I do not have the experience being some hoteliers... But I think I am not up to the judgmental and racism towards me in that hotel. Recently I made a decision to transfer and asking for a simple recommendation... Yeah just a simple one... Yes or No... Recommendation... But... What I got is kinda surprising.... I got judged by the authority and getting pushed down. I am still kinda uneasy so yeah... I am gonna review this case a lil bit... You know what... even 17 years of experiences can't make someone judge people harshly. How can people say that they have been in the industry for 17 years yet the mind is still closed like a turtle in the shell. I just wanna say one thing to you Mr Manager... :-) How you judged people and looking down on fresh graduates are showing that your 17 years experience questionable... not for all people but maybe for me. because what? If you got into 17 years but you still just judging people and giving label to people easily and not by finding the truth but only because hearing or listening to the comments only without clarifying... I can guarantee... that even someone with 1 year experience but with an open minded and a wise thinking can be a better man than yours. So yeah. For all the lessons I have learned of how cruel and harsh work-life can be I am really thankful... And For those lessons too I know I will be a better person than you... So in another years... Let us see. who will prevail and who will survive the world... Your judgment that I am not fitted into the hospitality industry will be the words that keep motivates me to be a better person in the hospitality industry. Just so you see. The difference between 3 stars... and 5 stars... This is not boasting... But this is my motivation from our last conversation... You judged and labeled people easily. but I will prove that your judgment and label will exceed your limitations in the closed mind of yours...

In the End Sire... Thanks for letting me know how clueless you are with your words in the mean future... Hope your good karma still can save you from something that will befall upon you...

For the business. I believe that it will grow up higher and higher... If the people are also growing.. not stuck in the one's vocabulary. We are a modernized and innovated people. So... Old saying will not give us much like in the old time... since everything is changing.

Sincerely.... Your fresh graduate soon to be ex-personel

And so I am gonna apply for management training one more time. hopefully that luck will shine one more time for me. hopefully...
Clap From Heaven
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

As the Hand start clapping the coins falling down
The face is more important than standing down
So be it the fate of something to the core...
But let the world know that Clap is for those who deserves

Used to think why people just looking for a face
Later I found that is because face is a beauty in disgrace...
For me... The inner face are more beautiful ...
Than the ugly truth saying that outer face are being tempered.

So for all people in this world...
Do not search for Clap From World...
But look for The true personality in truth
The Clap From Heaven... 
(Because you deserved it not because you only look for it)

Life Nowadays

It has been like 2 months... hahaha very tired to update some blog yeah. i know but yeah. i am still in touch in this blog because this blog is just my OUT from every thing that i really despise in the world. Hahaha. Currently I am working till having what i cannot have before. And life nowadays is not that enjoyable as it is said before. But tried to enjoy it to the fullest since I just want to enjoy every moment life in my life. I have to say thanks to every people who still staying in my life till now. I know I have made lots of mistakes... Who didn't? hahaha. So yeah.... I just got what I deserved in life. I redeemed everything in every possible way. such as surgeries etc. So I hope when I come clean in the future i can have what i call LIFE again....

So I am back again... after meeting my mom and my dad... They are just two loveliest people I ever met in my life. second loveliest is my sister though. I mean... despite everything that I have done to them. and lots of hardship i give them.... They still taking care of me loving me... I just feel very little now... I wanna cry out loud... why my life is not just an ordinary life to make them proud... why my life have to be in this way now. I wish if i can turn the wheel back to my past I will change one series of event so maybe I can have another future. hahaha... but yeah that is so cliche. I know it will not happen in this moment though... But I just hope at least once in my  life i can make them proud having me despite all of things I have done... before last breath I will breathe though... This McDonald's food I will remember all of my life. because I know there will be someone to look out for me that is my family. I believe that family should be like this. It is not easy but it is not  hard either. what you need is just sincerity and trust. :-) Thanks Pa Ma Ce :-) You are always be the oasis of my life.

So for my love life.. Still haven't find someone to rely on after the past event... But I don't really care about it now. since life is not just for love life only right. hehehe... But I believe there will be someone for me somewhere in this world. but for having him to be mine. i need to work on some changes too... since no pain no gain. Love is painful indeed but with the pain you will gain something worth to remember... and to treasure until your death bed. :-)... So cherish the life I had now. and enjoying eating some fast food. hahahaahah...

It is All About Loving What I have and Be Grateful
by : Go Darmadi Unjaya

LOVE MY LIFE 
LOVE MYSELF
LOVE MY DOING
LOVE MY DAY
LOVE MY PARENTS
LOVE MY SISTERS
LOVE MY FAMILIES
LOVE MY SITUATION
LOVE MY CHANGING
LOVE MY WORLD THAT KEEP SPINNING 
LOVE MY TIME THAT ALWAYS GIVE ME SOME TO REDEEM MY BAD KARMA
LOVE MY SOON TO BE HUSBAND (WHEN THE TIME IS COMING AT THE RIGHT TIME)

PS : Be Grateful for everything you already have. Don't care what you still not have but  other people have... Because YOU ARE YOU.... OTHERS are OTHERS

Lullaby... These Nightmares still on my nerve

LULLABY by POLINA GAGARINA

Pain and sorrow It's all you feel today Tears and hollow Drifting all the way Face your demons Chase away your ghosts State your freedom You are your own host Your redemption is close for you to reach Peace is there  Find yourself the breach Ref: Wipe your tears and breathe again Fight your fears and break the chain Find yourself and free your soul Feel again And be a whole Smile for me  My love And shine Spread your wings Begin to fly Feel the sun Your spring is near here and there's nothing to fear

Once I listened to this song i feel like all these nightmares are coming back to me. It feels like lullaby. but yeah. again. Sleeping is kinda my nightmare since it brings back deep memories into the surface. I dont know why i am feeling like this but it must be something that i really feared. Being alone maybe. because this song tell me how not to be alone again in this world but I cannot seems believe anyone in this world. Trusting is easy but believing??? I hope that someday someone will read this and come to me to tell me it is okay to believe someone again. and that is him. Hahahaha... Seems like that is just my empty hope for the day... Suddenly feels gloomy so I just post some junk i think. hahahaah.... Reminiscing some life of mine that turn to be cold and empty... Emptier than before and even colder than before. because everyone is just the same. They just know how to be with me in some situations... but in my lonely hour... they tend to go away and be with another one that is better than me. well that is being realistic i think. in this world... Gay is just... a single entity that will keep being loner... even how much I wanna be with someone till my last breath... all i will ever get is just. the empty heart with full of lies and dramas. Life is just that simple because once I start my liking to someone.... They just go away. and when I don't like someone. they like me the most. What an Irony for today conversation huh.... Just like this song I hope someone can say that to me... Soon or maybe never... hahaah because i dont think i am ready to get hurt again and again with an empty promise. Even myself is a liar why I keep believing if everyone is not? That's for today maybe. :-)




Spending time in the Dessert but is not hot let alone scorched... It is cold. Cold like Ice...
That is the same like my feeling to watch others like nothingness ... Because i cannot even trust myself now.
Who can I trust then???
I prayed to GOD to help me find the answer... But still find nothing till now. Have a nice day everyone. :-)

Stay with me till I see The Light

Hi Everyone...
It has been a week... Life has been better everyday...
With my sister's Prewedding day has been so good...
Love to take the photo of her with her husband to be...
They are so good looking... I am so envy sometimes... but happy too when seeing them together like a lovebird in their own world... So sweet... So Romantic and feel like they have their own world...
Today is her birthday.... I am so glad I still have the chance to celebrate her birthday and also my parents 27th anniversary of marriage. I know I have been so wrong in the past... But now... I know that in this world... My family is the best thing that can happen in my life From yesterday, today and tomorrow... I realize by the past that I made... that Family is the only one that will take you as who you are no matter who you really are... for me... Family is all I have now... Ahhh.. not too forget my Super Besties... in life... hahaha... So yeah the update of my struggling now is over and i am inclining to reach what it is called Happiness Life... Even so many things that I am still lacking... I already happy that I have my family. and beloved sisters that I am really glad to have. I will treasure this moment till Death will take me someday... I live to love the life that my parents pass to me..... I probably not the best son (well I am anyway since I am the only son) or the best children they have... but now I am giving my best to support them to the fullest. My Goal now is to make them even happier that the world will not stomp on us ever again... I will prove that from today I can make promise that I will keep even Life is all I have to sacrifice for them. I love them so much... hehe even though sometimes they might be so annoying. they are the ones that accept me for who I really am... Especially My Beloved second sister...
Well Someday... I will give her a simple but very treasurable present for her... Hope she will like it... at least that is all I can do for her in this life... Hope I still have time to give her the present hehehe... I already prepare it from today... (T-Hee)....
I do still hope for a love that will stay with me till I see the morning light...
I have been stay close with one big brother from YN... Hoping that someday I can meet him... hahaha to see what will be our future hold... Gege... These past 3 weeks we knew each other... I grew fondness to you. hahaha... I hope you will always be happy... with... or without me... Hahahaha....
if it is with me... Stay with me till I see The light wouldja??? You melt my heart lil by lil... but still. distance are quite the problem... so I will get a way to meet you at least once in this lifetime... Hahahaha......

And this is a little Birthday gift for her(My Sister => GVLU) to see if she happens to have time to read :

THIS STRONG LADY IS MY SISTER

by : Go Darmadi Unjaya
Strong Woman... I can see her spirit in her eyes
Dedications of a true fighter is for describing her Spirits
She has been through lots she can still be Strong like Tigress
The path and bridges are what she best at
With her help many survives and many smiles
Her sorrow is no one can imagine but she keep fighting till the last blood she has
DIGNITY is what she told me always preserves
Her life will get better and better...
I know... Good people will have the happily ever after endings...
That is you my sister.... My beloved sister in life....
I love you and will do anything to make you happy with all the rest of time that I have
Keep strong and Happy Birthday my Beloved Sister 
GVLU